Scorched Earth, Shattered Steel
by Maxforce
Summary: Burning Determination. Rock-Solid Resolve. An Unstoppable Force. An Immoveable Object. Two Outcasts, one of Time, the other of Society, band together under odd circumstances to save Lordran, or bring it crashing to its knees. Co-Authored by SneakyDevil.
1. Chapter 1

**Maxforce: So, this is a thing. Scorched Earth, Shattered Steel is a co-operative story by SneakyDevil and myself to write a Dark Souls fanfic based on our own co-op playthrough of Dark Souls. We fell in love with this game, had many shenanigans, and became attached to our characters, giving them personalities and whatnot. We looked into the Dark Souls lore, learning more about each character and item, reading theories and making up some of our own. In the end, we had a full on adventure of nuttyness, discoveries, and fun and decided that we'd put it down on paper. And thus, this story was born.**

**(Sneaky: Some advice: read the Narrator is a british accent, helps.)**

* * *

It was a fairly normal day in Lordran. The crow flew across the ocean, reveling in the feel of the wind over its feathers, the sun reflecting off of the waves, the asylum burning in the distance...the asylum was burning. This...this wasn't in the script. Hold on, I can think of something…

Okay. Got it.

It was a fairly normal day in Lordran. The crow flew across the ocean, reveling in the feel of the wind over its feathers, the sun reflecting off of the waves, the asylum burning in the distance, but fortunately for Lordran, there was a conveniently placed _second_ Asylum near-by. Unfortunately for Lordran, however...it's hard to find more sane undead on such a short notice so this Asylum was just filled with the insane. Normal insane, you know, not eat-your-face-off undead insane.

*Ahem* Yes, as I was saying...

It was a fairly normal day in Lordran. The crow flew across the ocean, reveling in the feel of the wind over its feathers, the sun reflecting off of the waves, the asylum burning in the distance, but fortunately for Lordran there was a conveniently placed _second_ Asylum near-by. Ignoring the first Undead Asylum the Giant Crow turned tail towards the Insane Asylum to pick up Lordran's Chosen...Hero...Person.

Normally the Giant Crow could easily pick out the Chosen One, being the only sane thing in the Undead Asylum. However, once again fortune favors the Narrator as there was one conveniently somewhat sane looking pyromancer _not_ wrapped in a straightjacket. Yes, that one there. No, no, the redhead to the right. No, not the redhead who's on fire. Yes, the one that set him on fire. There you go, bloody birds.

Anyway…

Now with our Intrepid Hero on course for Lordran, our Adventure can finally fucking start...I mean, our Adventure can truly begin.

* * *

There was a strange feeling in her stomach as she was lifted into the air, talons gently holding her aloft.

_'Hrmm. Set a guy on fire today. Got picked up by a giant crow...Heh, flying is fun! Wheeeee! Right, right. Fire. Fwoosh. Keep focused. Crow. Wheeeeeee! Right, the crow. That is probably important. Maybe it will answer my questions?'_

She tried to shout over the whipping wind in an attempt to make the enormous bird hear her words, "Mr...Mrs?...CROW! What is going on? I was having fun setting them on fire! They were all like FWOOSH! And I was all HUZZAH! And then you came and yoinked me!"

_'Right. Bird. No mouth.' _ Yes, it is in fact a bird. How astute of you to realize that. _'Oh Hi G-Man! Hows the Disembodied Voice shtick going?'_ Wonderfully, you know, omnipresence and omniscience. Handy stuff. Right, anyway were you paying attention earlier? _'Uhhh...Maybe? Something about fire? Lots of fire?' _Just look up. _'Uhhhh...huh, oh. Huh. That sounds...bad? Is it supposed to be burning?' _No. In fact, it _was_ supposed to be completely intact with the Chosen Undead completely safe and sound until he/she/it/other needed to be called upon to _save the goddamn world_. _'Save the world? Sounds pretty hot. I suppose since I'm in the claws of the crow and you know….not this Hero thing...that the Hero thing didn't work out?' _The entire place is burning down._' Isn't it made of stone?'_ Yes...?_ 'Did you try telling the fire that?'_

Suddenly without warning the Crow dropped our Heroine-_'HEY!'_-onto the safety of the Firelink Shrine Ruins. "Well, what do we have here?" She sat up, looking at a man in chainmail, resting on a broken bench, smirking at her.

"I'm me!" she chirped happily, the man's smirk disappearing.

"Er, yes...I, uh, I suppose you...are you," he said, nodding slowly. "Right...where was I? Ah, yes. So. Fate of the Undead, right? But there is no salv-"

"Fate of the Undead? Yeah I guess they do burn pretty well."

He spluttered, staring at her in surprise. "I'm sorry, come again?"

"Well, I mean...the _whole_ place was burning! Even the stone!," she waved her hands wildly around as if it emphasized her point, "So, yeah. They burn pretty good."

The man craned his neck, looking up at the crow. "The _whole place_? Really?"

"Yeah! Tell 'im Huginn! It was all like FWOOSH! _And _Burny!" she wiggled her finger in the air.

The crow cawed, its wings moving as if to shrug. "Okay...well. Right. It burned down. Even the...stone…" The man shook his head, his right hand slapping his forehead. "Brilliant. Just, bloody brilliant. And did you just call the crow Huginn?"

"Well, I was trying to think of a name for it when I thought the name Thought would make a great name for something I was thinking about. At least, I am pretty sure it means thought...or thinking...I know I heard it at least once. Somewhere." She shrugged, showing that she did not truly care for her line of reasoning.

The man groaned, massaging his temples. "Look, can I just give you the bell spiel and be done with it?"

"Spiel, Heh," she chuckled.

The man glared at her before clearing his throat. "RIght. So. Two Bells of Awakening. One up top," he pointed up top before pointing down, "and one below, in the ruins of Blighttown. Ring them both and something happens. Brilliant, right?" He looked at the young woman, a little surprised that she had stayed quiet. "I realize this isn't much to go on, but I get the feeling that isn't going to stop you in the slightest. So, off you go. Go on." He made shooing motion with his hands.

She cocked her head to the side."So… This first bell thing. Wheres that one? And What's a Blighttown?"

"Well, inquisitive little thing, aren't you? Well, the first bell is in the Undead Church, way up there." He pointed upwards, his finger aimed at a large stone building above them. "Unfortunately, the lift is broken. Alas, you will have to make your way through Undead Burgh. Go up those stairs over there," a vague wave in the direction of a well and a tree, "and make your way through the water way. As for Blighttown, it's a nasty little town that is full of poisonous muck and vile creatures that smell. I would rather die before I ever set foot in that accursed location once more." The man grimaced, memories resurfacing of his own trek down below.

She blinked, once, before nodding her head and turning towards the well. "Well, gotta keep my Burny hand strong," she closed her eyes and nodded, "mhrm, no time like now."

The man once again looked up at the crow. "Did she just say 'Burny hand'?" he whispered. Unfortunately there was no reply, because once again, it is a crow... and asleep.

She set off in the direction of the vague hand wave, ready to 'Keep her Burny hand strong'. As she passed by the well, the odd woman noticed three small black sprites floating there above the corpse. Blinking, she reached out and grabbed one, "Aw, this thing is adorable!"and promptly crushed it. "Ehehe, whoops?" She staggered for a moment as the energy from the Humanity she had inadvertently crushed flowed through her. "Woah, that is a rush! I'm taking your friends with me!" Quickly cupping her hand, she shuffled them into one of the many pouches on her waist.

Reaching the top of the stairs, she stopped for a moment, seeing three Undead, two of which were in basic soldier garb, while the third was in knight's armor, seemingly guarding a corpse. She raised her right hand, summoning a fireball and chucking it at the nearest Undead, grinning as the Undead fell limp on the ground, the fire putting itself out. The second one came nearer, the woman bringing her hand in front of her face, a flame springing to life. She gave a breath and shoved her hand forward, a small wall of flame intercepting the Undead. It caught fire quickly, flailing about, confused at the sudden appearance of the flames. Unable to put itself out, it fell beside its partner, releasing a slow, final breath. She was about to walk up the next set of steps when she noticed a soft, blue glowing orb above each of the bodies. Curious, she stepped closer and touched them, a feeling of warmth surrounding her. She took hold of them, placing them in a pouch next to the one holding the Humanity.

She continued up the stairs, dodging a firebomb. She looks up to see another Undead rearing his arm back, ready to throw another firebomb at her. Once more sidestepping the 'Standard' incendiary she 'Harrumphed' before stating "You want a fireball fight? I'll give you a fireball fight!" She conjured another fireball, drilling it into the Undead's face, knocking it off the cliff. She nodded to herself in satisfaction, making the motion of flipping her hair over her shoulder. With her good mood now ruined, she continued on, casually tossing another fireball at an Undead with an axe and then kicking one more Undead off of the ledge of the water way, watching it fall into the chasm. She looked into the damp tunnel, noting the water running to the left, a rat standing at the edge of the tunnel, just in front of a set bars, a corpse leaning against them. She saw another blue orb above the corpse, but ignored it, going to the right. Down the tunnel was a doorway on the left, while further down was what appeared to be a gate. She shrugged, walking through the doorway on the left and coming back into the sunlight. Continuing on her way, no longer taking the Undead as a serious threat, she walked through a wall of fog, the sounds of clothing and metal burning the only noise in the immediate area.

She walked upstairs, stopping at the door, looking at the bridge leading to a bigger platform. She took a step forward and then stopped as a large, red winged beast slammed down on the bridge in front of quickly back stepped and blinked, checking to see if it was still there,"Yep, thats real," she sighed, "and red means no burny. Hrmph." The creature glanced at her. She glared back at the red lizard."You aren't any fun at all." The lizard looked away, flapping its wings and flying toward the Undead Church. She continued on, rolling under a crossbow bolt as she threw more fireballs, quickly lobbing another one up into the air to hit the archer.

She walked up the stairs, stopping and looking at a sword stuck into a pile of what looked like bones and ash. She stepped into the room, gray phantoms appearing and walking in and out of the room, some resting at the apparent bonfire. Once more startled by the utter oddity of the situation she shuffles closer to one of the Phantoms brought on by the warping of Time and Space. Slowly reaching her hand out, she attempted to grab one of the Phantoms sitting at the Bonefire, one of which looked to be a mountain of a man dressed in what seemed to be a boulder. To her surprise, what first felt like wispy chill slowly became firmer and firmer. She yanked her hand back, stepping back in surprise as the man stood up, his armor making a grating noise. He stretched his arms, and then leaned down to pick up what looked to be a large tooth and shield made out of stone, chains crossing over it, that the woman hadn't noticed before. He turned around, stopping when he saw her. There was a moment of silence as the two stared at one another.

The hooded woman coughed into her hand, looking decidedly awkward and embarrassed that she had just accidentally summoned _Havel_ _the Rock_ into her reality. Her eyes darted up, unnoticeable to _Havel_ as she gave a small quirk of her lips. "Ah, so your name is Havel then?"

Havel looked at her. "So you've heard of me then. Though, if I may ask, what are you doing in the guard's gate?" His grip tightened on the tooth a bit, awaiting her answer.

"Ah? Guards?" Her eyes darted back to the slowly charring corpses outside, "They have been, ah...relieved of duty due to certain...disabilities." She nervously replied.

Havel turns around slowly after catching the smell of burning cloth and flesh. "...Those...aren't the guard I was referring. How in Izalith did those hollows get into the town?"

Now visibly relieved of the threat of 'Assisted Suicide via Havel' she happily replied, "Well, I dunno 'bout theses 'Hollow' things, but all the zombie guys were all 'Rah Rah Rah' and so I was all like 'FWOOSH!' and they they stopped being all angry and stuff and started dancing!"

Havel stared at her, his tooth falling to the ground. "Um...what exactly is this...'fwoosh'?"

She gave him a full grin, teeth and all, as she held her two hands together like she was cupping something. After a moment fire sparked in her hands and splashed light on her face, reflecting the glint of madness that lurked in her eyes. "Fwoosh," she reverently whispered.

Havel suddenly leaned in to look at the flame. As she let the flame die, he grabbed her by the chin, the hood falling off, letting her red hair loose, twisting her face back and forth, inspecting her features. "Hmm...while you certainly aren't ugly, you aren't near beautiful enough to be a Daughter of Izalith." He looked at her left cheek, a blood red tattoo of a phoenix running down to her neck, the head encompassing her left eye. "Certainly not with that tattoo. Might I inquire as to how you are able to use a gift unique to the Witches?"

Fidgeting nervously in his grip, "Well, there was this nice old lady that I met one day. She taught me so many things but no one ever believed me when I tried to talk about her! They all said she was dead and that it was just my imagination! That I couldn't do pyromancy! Well, I showed them! I was all 'FWOOSH'! I showed them all!" her anger rising as she ranted, no longer caring she was still in a death grip from the mountain of a man.

Havel released her chin, stepping back, putting his shield on his back. He crossed his arms, his helmet aimed down as he looked at the ground. "Well...that is quite the story. Normally, I would not believe you, yet here you stand, summoning flames from nothingness." He picked up his tooth again, slinging it under the shield. "Well, it was nice meeting you, uh…"

She shrugged her shoulders, "Mmm I dunno. Everyone just called me 'That Girl' or 'Crazy Witch'...or was it Bitch?.. I can't remember."

Havel stared at her, feeling a bit of pity. "Well, I'm sorry to hear that, young lady. But I hope that you are at least proud of your ability. It is not a common gift."

Her eyes lit up in happiness and nodder her head, "Mhrm! No one can make as good of a 'FWOOSH' as I do!"

Havel smiled under his helm. "Well, that's good, then. Perhaps you'd like to come with me to Anor Londo? I have someone I'd like to introduce you to. Someone who would appreciate your gift for what it is."

Tilting her head curiously, "Eh? Whats a Anna Londuh?"

Havel chuckled. "Not from around here, then. Anor Londo is what many refer to as the city of gods. Between you and me," he said, gesturing for her to lean in as he started to whisper, "they aren't gods, perse, but they are very powerful beings." He straightened back up. "Anyways, it's what you could call the capital of Lordran. It's a beautiful city, with gorgeous sunrises. Though there aren't many humans, so you may feel a little out of place among the soldiers, golems, and aides, but so long as you're with me, you'll be fine."

"Oh! But the Sad Guy said I had to go ring some Bells of..Uh..Awkanesings or something and then something special would happen! He said that one of the bells was at the Ruins of Bitetown and the other was at the Big Church up here!" she said cheerfully, her mood now brighter.

Havel nodded. "Well, the parish isn't exactly on our way to Anor Londo. As for this...'Bitetown', I'm afraid I'm not very familiar with it. In fact, I've never heard of it. I'll escort you to the Parish at the very least. I have business to attend to there myself." He turned around, stepping outside and then stopping. "Things...didn't look like this five minutes ago...what the hell happened?" A bolt hit his armor, bouncing off and snapping. He looked at the Undead crossbowman, glaring at it. "Wanna try that again, Hollow?" The Hollow in question loaded another bolt, firing again. Havel sighed. "Always the hard way with these things." He pulls his tooth off of his back and walks over to the Hollow, raising it over his head with his right hand. He brings the tooth down, smashing the creature into the ground, bones shattering. Havel looked at the cracks in the platform and shrugged. "Eh. I'm sure they can fix that up in no time."

Without a sound, she walked up next to him. "Wow, you're pretty strong! Is that armor really that heavy?" she asked excitedly.

Havel nodded in reply. "Yeah. Though it's not so bad once you get used to wearing a boulder around." He shrugged, putting his tooth back under the shield. "Well, let's get going, shall we?"

She nodded, "Ah, yeah." She turned to continue on her imposed journey and begin to walk towards the bridge when another firebomb splashed at her feet. Hopping back, she flipped her hood back up and glared at the offending Hollows, her Rage once again building at them using the false fireballs. "YOU WANT A FIREBALL? HAVE ONE!" Unknowingly in her hand, the small fireball she had prepared had doubled in size, turning into a Fire Orb. Throwing it as hard as she could, she was rewarded with an enormous explosion, instantly incinerating the Undead on the platform and causing it to collapse and crash down, blocking the bridge as a rapidly burning wreck.

"Welp...not going that way for now," Havel said, edging slightly away from the enraged redhead. He hooked his thumb over his shoulder. "I'm fairly certain there was another path over that way. How about we go check it out?"

Anger fading and now fairly embarrassed, with a pink dusting her cheeks, she carefully nodded, not wanting the hood to move and reveal her face at that moment. As they made their way to the path mentioned, Havel dispatched the Undead in the way with but a swing, even yawning as he bashed through the shield of a pike wielding Hollow in armor. They took a moment to look around the stone landing, spotting another staircase, this one surrounded by boxes. Havel moved them out of the way, leading the way down the stairs and out onto a small balcony.

"Well, now...you seem to have your wits about you, eh?" came a raspy male voice. They looked to their right and saw an Undead giggling to himself.

"And you're Hollowed," Havel observed. The Undead shook his head.

"No, no. I am simply...out of Humanity, at the moment," he said.

"Just to be sure, do you have a craving for killing and souls?"

The Undead giggled again. "I always have a craving for souls, boy. But killing just isn't in me. Too much work. Why kill when I can sell?"

"Sell, eh?" Havel looked at the redhead, who was standing there humming to herself and rocking back and forth on her feet, then at the weapons and items in front of the merchant. "While I admit that your flame is quite handy, young lady, I would feel better knowing that you were at least armed. Take your pick. I'll buy."

Her eyes gained a dangerous glint as she glanced through the assortment of weaponry. "I'll take the pointy stick!" She exclaimed far too eagerly.

"Right, then. One spear. And add a few sacks of repair powder." Havel said, picking up the spear and handing to the lass. The merchant then handed him fifteen small pouches of a golden colored dust. "I assume souls will suffice for payment?"

"But of course! Your current total is eight thousand, one hundred souls, valued customer!", the merchant smirked.

"Right, here you go," Havel said, handing a small, blue orb to the merchant.

"Ah!" Her eyes lit up once more. "So thats what those things are!"

"Er, yes. These are souls. The Undead are able to use them to strengthen themselves. There are some communities in which Undead would trade souls rather than coins. I myself will admit to being somewhat envious of such a method of training. In fact, I am branded with the darksign, though I have yet to become Undead. In time, I eventually will change. Though I have yet to find a being who will be able to kill me, shy of Lord Gwyn himself. Perhaps one of the other lords, but I have no reason to fight them. Save for one."

The merchant crushed the orb in his palms, smaller white orbs rushing into him. He sighed in contentment. "Thank you for your business," he said, leaning back a little, his hand beginning to stroke the wooden basin at his side.

"Let's go check on that bridge now. It may have finished burning itself out." With that, they made their way back to the bridge to see piles of ash now in place of the once burning platform. They navigated their way towards the large tower, quickly dispatching any Hollows foolish enough to attack Havel. After dealing with the Hollow who had been rude enough to kick a flaming barrel of powder at them, they looked between the stairs and the closed door in the room they had stepped into. "Okay, you head on upstairs. I'll check to see what's behind that door and catch up with you."

She nodded, tapping the butt of her spear on the ground, "Alrighty then, I'll make sure to go stabby stabby to any Hollows I see!" As she made her way up the stairs, she heard the splintering of wood, Havel breaking the door down. She was about to continue on her way when one of the barrels shook. Thinking quickly she cast a blast of flame at the pile, unleashing the Twinkling Titanite..bug lizard thing. Walking over to the burning bug, she put her spear down, grabbed the gem on its back with two hand and braced herself with one foot holding down the bug. She then threw all her strength into one quick yank_(which wasn't much-_"hey!"-_)_and ripped the Twinkling Titanite out of the bug. "Ohhh, Shiny." Patting herself down in a quest to locate a pouch large enough to fit the hunk of gem she had just liberated, only to pout when she realized that she didn't find one.

KRAK-THOOM

Havel came stomping up the steps a bit after the tower shook, his fist clenched around something. The man didn't seem angry, just...confused. The redhead looked up at him, still pouting "Haaavveeellll I can't keeeeep thiiissss~" as she sat here holding out the Gem for him to see.

Havel looked up in surprise, noticing her for the first time. "Oh. Um...I'll hold onto it, if you'd like." He took the gem from her with his free hand, moving it behind his back. When he brought it back out, he was no longer holding the gem.

She shot up in surprise, "Eh?! Where'd it go?" dashing around Havel's back to try and find it.

"My darksign." She looked at him in confusion. "You...don't actually know what the darksign is or does, do you?" The woman shook her head. "Well...the darksign is the mark of an Undead. After receiving one, a person will become an Undead upon their death. I haven't actually died, so I'm still human. But I do get some of the benefits of it. For one, I can carry souls like any other Undead. I can also use it as something of a bottomless bag. That's where the titanite just went." Havel's voice slowly trailed off as he finished his explanation, him looking at his right fist, still clenched.

She just looked at him for a few moments before looking up and in a deadpan tone said"You know that is totally hax right?"

I know, but do you know how hard it is to get these Chosen Undead to actually succeed? Like, half of them spend most of their time jumping off cliffs looking for treasure!

He cleared his throat, opening his hand to show her a gold band with a black and silver inset on it. "Do you know what this is?"

She sniffed, "Ah…a pretty ring?" she asked, shrugging her shoulder.

"Not just a ring. It's _my_ ring. One of a kind. And yet…" He held up his left hand, pulling the gauntlet off to reveal the same ring on his finger. "I just killed myself. A hollowed version of me. Where am I? Because I'm certainly not home anymore."

Ah, that's my bad really.

She looked up "What do you mean by that?"

Ah well, you see… you don't have a darksign, infact nor will you ever have a darksign...out of my hands really. I needed someone with a darksign, someone very powerful, and someone who wasn't going to eat your face. I'm not even kidding about that one. Freaky shit this Multiverse is. Freaky Shit. So, sorry about that.

She nodded. "Hrmm, yeah okay. I guess that makes sense." Diverting her attention back to Havel, "So, G-man says he's sorry but that I kinda needed your help."

"G-man?"

Nodding once more, "Yeah! G-Man! Guidance Man? He never really gave me his name, just a bunch of titles so I just call him G-Man."

"Guidance? You don't...no, no, you can't be serious." Havel put his gauntlet back on, the spare ring going into his darksign. He pulled what looked to be a small canvas doll from his belt, kneeling as if in prayer.

Soooo...This is somewhat awkward. Do you want some advice?

"...If you weren't just a disembodied voice, I would be smashing you right about now…"

Remember: You can't two-hand any weapon for bonus attack power.

"Don't fucking ignore me! The hell is your problem, yanking me into another world like that?!"

Rolling helps put out fires faster.

"Alright, now you're just being a dick!"

She likes things that burn, shiny things, and duck.

"The hell do you mean duck?"

Rocks fall, roll for reflex save.

"..." Havel stood up, putting away the talisman. "Well...you are something else. Were you aware that you're using the Guidance Miracle?"

She blinked and tilted her head. "What's a Miracle?"

Havel shook his head. "It's...something like your flame gift. I am able to call upon a power similar to Lord Gwyn's abilities through the use of this canvas talisman. From healing to throwing lightning, to asking for guidance from that disembodied voice you call G-man. There is actually a covenant, a gathering of people who can do similar things, but they believe these Miracles to be gifts from the gods themselves. Take it as you will."

She blinked, paused, then nodded as if she was actually putting thought into it. "So, lets go then yah?"

Havel sighed, his hand reaching up to rub his helm. "Sure. Let's go." He stepped through the fog first, pulling out his shield and tooth. "Go up that ladder there. I'm worried about this area." He eyed the bloodstains on the bridge, looking at bolts snapped in half laying in the rubble.

She eyed him curiously, and promptly ignored his advice rushing forth as if to prove him wrong.

Havel rolled his eyes, sighing. "Or just get shot by the crossbowmen up top. Your choice." Just as he finished his sentence, he heard the twang of a crossbow's string, the bolt just narrowly missing the redhead's heel as she ran towards the other gate of fog. When she was three quarters of the way over the bridge, a Taurus Demon jumped up on top of the end she was running towards, roaring at the intruders. He jumped down, looking at the girl, then began to charge at her. Havel sighed once more, bringing his shield up and holding it in both hands, as if in prayer, watching the two race towards each other.

She picked up her speed now also charging at the rampaging demon, hyper-focusing on the narrow gap between its legs. Just as they were about to collide she dived straight through the gap, successful. Getting up off the ground and brushing herself off, satisfied that it actually worked. Havel put down his shield, his armor suddenly growing extra spikes of stone. He then held his shield at the ready as the demon continued to charge him, bellowing in fury. When its head met Havel's shield-

CLANG

It backed up, its head in pain. "Yeah, that went about as expected," Havel said. He raised the tooth again, this time with both hands, smashing it into one of the demon's horns, breaking it as if it were glass. The creature roared in pain, dropping to its knees. "Now, I'm feeling somewhat nice today, which is a miracle, considering what I just recently learned. You can let us through or I can force our way through. Your choice."

Its choice however was swiftly made for it when a medium sized globe of fire exploded and washed across its back. Followed by a leaping backstab via the Witch's spear. "Or that…" He looked at his new companion as she pulled her spear from atop the creature's back. "Out of curiousity, was that actually necessary?"

Her gaze sharpened momentarily as she answered "They are filthy rotten mongrels and are undeserving of mercy." She blinked and suddenly her voice lost its venom and her gaze softened.

Havel looked at her, once more putting away his tooth, while throwing three sacks of repair powder onto his shield. "Alright. Fair enough. I've no right to judge such actions." He put his shield back in its place as the powder finished its job. "So, down the stairs, yes?" They walked into the new parapet and walked down the stairs. They were now looking at a much larger bridge. Havel turned around, giving a fond sigh. "Look at that view. I never get tired of it." He walked down the two sets of stairs, the girl behind him. They stopped when they saw a man in knight's armor looking at the sun over the mountains. His torso had a white cloth over it, a crude sun on it, a yellow ball with small orange spikes radiating off of it.

"Ah, hello!" the man said as he noticed them walk up, his voice cheery. "You don't seem Hollow. Far from it!" He turned to look at them fully. "I am Solaire of Astora, an adherent of the Lord of Sunlight. Now that I am undead, I have come to this great land, the birthplace of Lord Gwyn, to seek my very own sun!...Do you find that strange?"

"Not in the slightest," Havel answered readily.

"Do you speak truly, friend?" Solaire asked.

"Indeed. You have something to aspire to, Solaire," Havel replied, the name sounding familiar on his tongue.

"I think it would be really hot to have my own sun! But that would be pretty awesome too! I could be all like SUN! and then everyone would be all like Burny and FWOOSH!" She shouted excitedly.

"Good, good!" Solaire exclaimed, laughing. "I have a proposition, sir and madam! 'Twould take but a moment of your time."

"I'm all ears," answered Havel, as the lass stood there staring off into the sunset, lost in her fantasy.

"Now, the way I see it, our fates appear to be intertwined. So, why not help each other on our journeys?"

"Well, I don't see why not. Any help would be appreciated."

"Splendid! Then please, take this with you." Solaire pulled out a soapstone, white in color, a golden tassel wrapped around it. "The flow of time in this land is convoluted. Beings from different worlds phase in and out constantly. This item allows us to bridge the gaps between worlds and we will be able to engage in Jolly Co-operation!" His voice rose a bit in volume as he said the last two words.

The daydreaming woman snapped out of her daze and turned to Solaire with a half-lidded gaze, "Mmm, even if we each search for our own sun, we can all use some help along the way."

"Just as you have so graciously offered to assist us, please feel free to summon us when you need help, Solaire," Havel said, bowing his head to Solaire.

"I look forward to our many meetings, my friends!" Solaire said, looking at the sun once again. He then bent forward and slowly rose up, his arms rising up to splay out on each side. "Praise the Sun!"

Her eyes regaining their full light, she gazed towards the sun and mimicked Solaire "Praise the Sun! And all its Burny-ness!"

Havel stood there, glancing between the two before shaking his head. "What have I gotten myself into?" he asked himself. With that done, Havel and the girl returned to the bridge. "Mmm….stay here for a second." He grabbed her hood just as she started to rush forward. "I mean it this time. I have the darksign, so I at least will come back as an Undead. You're still human, without one."

"But it's just a bridge!"

"A bridge with scorch marks all over it, burnt corpses, and fresh smoke rising from it. Whatever did this is probably still close by. Might even be a dragon. So stay. Back." He moved past her, carefully walking forward. As he made it to the first major scorch mark, he heard a roar and then the sound of flames. The creature from earlier flew overhead, flame spewing from its mouth. Havel stood in the flames, crossing his arms in thought as the flames washed over him. "Now, is that a wyvern or a drake? I get them confused. They're both so tiny compared to dragons." He turned back to the woman. "I'll handle this thing. You...go talk to Solaire, I guess. Should be but a minute."

She paused at the incredulity of what she had just witnessed. Then turned and walked back to Solaire. As she walked up next to him, with him once more watching the sun set, and the shouts and laughter from Havel echoing over the roars of the Drake, she asked"So, searching for your own sun?" giving a small smile.

Solaire turned his head to look at her through one of the eye holes. "Hrmm? 'And all its Burny-ness?'" he asked, the girl swearing she could hear him smile.

She gave a small chuckle. "To each their own, I suppose...It's a fine goal. Don't let anyone tell you wrong."

Solaire lost his mirth as he turned towards her, all serious, "I will not. Many have ridiculed me for my quest, but it is they who are lost, not I."

She too turned to him, clapping him on the shoulder, also serious. "It is not just others who will call it foolish, don't even listen to yourself. If you ever lose faith in yourself, believe in the me that believes in you." The sounds dying down in the background signaling Havel's clear victory. Giving him one last smile and a nod she regained her cheerful air and raced up the stairs to see the aftermath.

"What an odd one, indeed," Solaire chuckled to himself, having found kinship in another.

"Well, that was fun," Havel said, swinging a new sword around. "Want this? Pulled it off the drake's tail." He held the strange tan short sword out to her.

Tossing the spear aside she grabbed the short sword and gave a few experimental swings. The last swing unbalanced her causing the arcing blade to smash into the ground, sending out a shockwave. Her eyes lit up in amusement "Yeah, I like this...I like this a lot."

"Just be careful where you swing it, please," Havel said, scratching at his helmet. "I'd rather not be thrown off a cliff by my own traveling companion."

She blinked, once, twice and then snorted. "I'll be sure to let you know when I can move boulders, then."

Havel simply looked at her before shrugging, making sure to pick up the dropped spear and putting it into his darksign. They walked through the gate the drake had been guarding, Havel looking to the right, stopping. "Well...that's unfortunate," he said. The girl looked in the direction he was facing, seeing nothing but a pile of rubble that may have once been a statue. "That used to be a statue. Now it's just kind of…a lump of stones." He stared at it a bit longer, then turned around to pull a lever. The gate blocking their path to the church itself slowly rose up, creaking with age. They continued up the steps, stopping at the top. Before them was a small gauntlet of Hollowed Undead. Two crossbowmen on a small bridge, two swordsmen and one pikeman that they could see. But the biggest eyesore in the courtyard was the armored boar.

"What the fuck?"

"Armored boar. What, you've never seen a pig with tusks dressed in armor before?" Havel asked. She shook her head. "Huh. I thought that was a normal thing." He stepped forward, casually backhanding the first swordsman, knocking it through the legs of a raised wooden platform. He saw the second swordsman running towards the gate, supposedly looking for the lever. Havel put his left hand near his darksign and pulled out a large bow that was as long as he was tall. He set the spiked end in the ground, pulling an arrow the size of a small lance from his darksign as well. He nocked the arrow, taking aim. He let it loose, the projectile slamming into the Hollow's back, knocking it forward to pin it to the stairs. The Hollow wasn't quite dead yet, struggling to pull itself up. Havel put the greatbow away and kicked at the pike wielder, knocking it onto its back. The girl took this moment to throw a fireball at it as Havel continued forward. The boar charged him, Havel holding up both hands and then grabbing the creature's tusks, skidding back a bit before finding purchase between his boots and the ground. He then gave a grunt as he lifted the confused pig and then slammed it back onto the ground. He then gave a twist of his arms, flipping the boar onto its back. "Stay there," he said as he let go of its tusks, its legs flailing in the air.

He looked up at the crossbowmen, who hadn't acted yet, simply watching the events below them. From behind Havel came two fireballs, one for each of them, both falling off the bridge as they tried to put themselves out. He looked back at his companion, nodding at her. "Good shots," he complimented.

She shrugged. "They weren't moving, I helped."

* * *

They made their way up the stairs and into the church, Havel pulling out his tooth as he heard the clanking of armor. He smashed it into the head of a Baldur Knight foolish enough to come within swinging range of Havel. The helmet caved in as it became stuck between the wall and the tooth. Havel heaved his tooth onto his shoulder, staring at the rest of the Baldur Knights. They slowly backed away from Havel, their shields and swords down. "Smart Hollows. That's a new one," Havel observed, walking past them. He then heard the sound of a spell being cast and he rolled forward on instinct, a Soul Arrow just missing him as it splashed onto the ground. "Magic. Great." He pulled out his greatbow once more, taking aim at the Channeler above him. "Right between the eyes, fucker." He let loose the arrow, grinning as it pierced the Channeler's face, between the middle pair of eyes.

He rolled to the right this time, once more on instinct, a large mace hitting where he had been standing just a second ago. He looked to see a large Hollow wearing black armor, a greatshield in its left hand, the mace in its right. Havel pulled his shield and tooth off of his back, blocking the mace as it was brought up and then down on him. The strike pushed him back a bit, but the knight reeled back. Havel took this chance to slam his own hammer into his opponent's shield, denting it. He then quickly turned his body, dragging the tooth on the ground to swing it once more, this time hitting the knight in the chest and knocking it back. Seeing it on the ground, he quickly grabbed the handle of his tooth with both hands and put more force into this last hit, completely crushing the midsection of the armor, the Hollow disappearing as white orbs flew into Havel.

He then realized the redhead was no longer by his side. Turning around, he saw the Baldur Knights slowly advancing on her. He moved to help her, but she simply just waved her hand in the air in a shooing motion. Havel stopped, deciding to see what she would do.

* * *

She eyed the four approaching knights, advancing in ranks of two. The two in the back swiftly advanced to box her in. Cracking her neck and flexing her wrist, she called forth her Inner Fire, and dashed at the Hollows. Before the first Knight could bring his sword to bear she stepped in his guard and shoved her hand into his face, unleashing the Great Combustion stored within. Sidestepping the retaliation blow from the other Knight that was standing next to her, she flicked her wrist to send a fireball sailing into its faceplate, stunning it, giving her enough time to raise the Drake Sword to block a swing from one of the other two knights that had finally made it over to her. With her other hand she called forth another Great Combustion blasting it back, and finishing him off with a rapid swing of her sword. Before the Third one could advance on her, she slammed the sword on the ground sending a shockwave rocketing towards it, knocking it off balance. Dashing at the off balance Knight, she gripped the sword with both hands and pierced through its chest. Finally the Knight she had tossed a Fireball at had recovered...by throwing off its helmet to put out the fire, revealing to the world its now charred and blackened face. They eyed each other waiting for the other to make the first move, she now tired and it was now wary. She once more called forth her flame, only instead of throwing it she ran her hand across the sword, where it touched burned with a crackling flame. The Baldur Knight tried rushing her before she could complete the 'spell', only to find itself too late as she easily bisected it with a two handed swing. The flames on her sword fading, she turned back to Havel looking like an expectant puppy, eager for approval.

Havel nodded, commenting, "Not bad. Interesting use of that flame of yours, too. Is this your first time in an actual close combat situation?"

"Ah.." she stopped and winced as memories began to bubble up.

_"Ge' ou' of 'ere, you Witch! We'll gut yah if we see yah 'round 'ere again!"_

_"Die you filthy Freak!"_

_"Scum like you is why my family is dead!"_

She shook her head, dispelling the thought before she could get lost in it, "No, just some disagreements before, that's all." Her eyes darted to a warm glow behind Havel "Hey! What's that thing!?" she said as she dashed around Havel, puppy like one more, to seek out the source of the glow.

"That...that's a firekeeper's soul…" Havel walked up behind his companion. He looked at the corpse the soul was floating over, bowing his head in respect. "She's been dead for a while."

"Eh?" she tilted her head. "Whatsa Firekeeper? Can I be one of those?"

"Well, you remember that bonfire you met me at?"

"Ah! Yeah! That Bonefire thing!" she nodded her head and smiled.

"Uh, right. That...bone...fire...anyways, there are bonfires all throughout Lordran. Each one is watched over in by a firekeeper. The firekeepers are usually women, pure of heart in some fashion. As for whether you can be one...tell me, how do you feel about being buried alive?"

She frowned "That doesn't sound very fun."

"Then I'm glad to say that you don't want to be a firekeeper." Havel gently cupped his hand under the soul, picking it up. "We'll take this with us for now."

"Ah…" she reached for the soul, "Can I hold onto it?" Havel extended the soul to her. She took it from him and held it like she did the flame when she first showed Havel her gift.

Havel looked at her and the soul for a moment before turning around, deciding to clear the path to the bell. He went up the stairs, the sound of his tooth hammering something echoing clearly at the altar.

She closed her eyes and held it closer to her chest and began to hum. Heat began to emanate from her in waves as she hummed. A soft white glow began to build around her as the heat increased, when suddenly the area around her hand flickered and gave off a hard red and orange flash, the heat and glow surrounding her dissipating. She stopped humming and went to follow Havel upstairs, hands now empty, save for the Drake sword in her left. She came to two ladders and climbed them both, seeing Havel waiting for her, Solaire, now glowing gold, standing beside him. "Greetings, friends!" Solaire greeted. "I'm glad to see you have already decided to ask for my help!"

"Glad you had the time to join us, Solaire," Havel replied, motioning the woman closer to the two men.

"Ah?" she tilted her head. "Why do we need help ringing a bell? We killed all the mean people already."

Havel pointed at a gate of fog behind him. "Because of that. Last time we went through one of these, we had a taurus demon on the other side. Like Solaire said, time is rather messed up in Lordran. These gates sometimes pop up, cutting areas off from each other. Only those adventurous enough dare to go through these gates. Many times, the gates simply disappear, reopening an area to everyone. Just as many times, adventurers would disappear, never to be seen again. Sometimes, though, powerful beings will take up residence in the cutoff area, claiming the territory as their own. In case there is something on the other side, I'd like to have another hand on deck for this. You don't get to be a general from just charging in recklessly...sometimes…"

She blinked and nodded, "Ah. Okay. My Burny Hand is ready!" Her smile was evident to the two men.

"Through the gate we go, then," Havel said, touching the gate and then slowly pushing his way through. Solaire and the girl followed right after him, Havel ahead of them as he made his way towards the bell tower itself.

"Ah…" she stopped and peered closer at one of the statues, "Havel...The statues are moving…"

"What?" Havel stopped and looked up to the top of the bell tower, just as a roar echoed from the top. "Oh...those are gargoyles...damn things are like cockroaches. You kill one, more show up." He readied his shield and tooth. "So, Solaire, you and the lass can handle the one with the tail. I'll take the other one." Havel ducked his head down as his chosen target landed, spewing fire at him, the fire splashing on and around the shield. Once it stopped, he took a swipe at it with his tooth, crippling one of its legs. The creature roared in pain, swinging its halberd at the man wearing a boulder, the halberd knocking him back. Havel took a leap at the gargoyle as it pulled its halberd back for another swing, yelling as his tooth fell onto the creature's head, driving it into the church's roof. Cracks spiderwebbed out from the point of impact, the gargoyle making a noise of pain. Havel brought his tooth up once more and slammed it again, ensuring that the creature was dead this time.

* * *

She watched the Gargoyles dive down, one heading for Havel the other for her and Solaire. She and Solaire shared a quick look and in a moment of Jolly Co-Operation they both motioned for their respective Innate Powers, one a Great Lighting Spear the other a Fire Orb, and still synchronized unleashed them on the surprised Magical Beast, catching it flat footed as the power of lighting and fire slammed into it. Reeling back, it screeched and darted forward aiming towards solaire, just before it could swipe at him however she slammed her sword down and and sent a shockwave into its side, sending it crashing to its side and sliding a bit down the roof. Giving a shout of thanks Solaire rushed at the beast, driving his sword through one of the helmet slits before it could recover, finishing it off.

Havel walked over, nodding his approval. "Good job, you two." He walked over to the gargoyle's head, pulling the helmet off and inspecting it, ignoring the gash in its face. "I will say this, the gargoyles have some sturdy armor."

"Mmm…" she had a look of concentration of her face as she stared at the helm, as if trying to remember a long forgotten lesson, when a sudden smile spread across her face. She walked up to Havel, gesturing for the helmet. Havel handed it to her. She turned it around and put it on, before turning back to the beast and picking up the gargoyle's halberd. Finally, she ignited her hand and struck a Heroic pose and called out to her two observers, "Look! I'm a Valkyrie!"

Solaire chuckled at this, while Havel simply shook his head, amused by her antics. He then had an idea. "Valkyrie...that wouldn't be a bad name, you know."

"Ah!" she nodded with a smile adorning her face" Yeah! Hrmm… I shall be Valkyrie, Keeper of Fwoosh!" She then quietly chuckled, "Heh, Valkyrie is the name, and Scorched Earth is my game."

* * *

**END CHAPTER 1**

**A/N: Heyo! Sneaky Devil Here! I played the part of Valkyrie and the Narrator in this little story here. **

**(and maxyboy played Havel)**

**So, I hope you all like it as there will be more to come. But...First I should clear some things up. Religions/Swearing/Names/etc basically it all boils down to this. There are few thousand years of humans existing, not mention there are many realities and what not always converging. It is no surprise if something like Norse showed up at one point, or that curses like frak, fuck, fekking, etc could be used. In our own history we have had a total of around 2,300 gods/goddesses/deities, fuck used to mean an american that supported the king during the colonial era...etc So it's not very immersion breaking at all.**

**Now! Let the Omakes Begin! Or as I like to say...What could have been!**

**Omake 1: Havel's True HP**

She walked up the stairs, stopping and looking at a sword stuck into a pile of what looked like bones and ash. She stepped into the room, gray phantoms appearing and walking in and out of the room, some resting at the apparent bonfire. Once more startled by the utter oddity of the situation she shuffles closer to one of the Phantoms brought on by the warping of Time and Space. Slowly reaching her hand out, she attempted to grab one of the Phantoms sitting at the Bonefire, one of which looked to be a mountain of a man dressed in what seemed to be a boulder. To her surprise, what first felt like wispy chill slowly became firmer and firmer. She yanked her hand back, stepping back in surprise as the man stood up, his armor making a grating noise. He stretched his arms, and then leaned down to pick up what looked to be a large tooth and shield made out of stone, chains crossing over it, that the woman hadn't noticed before. He turned around, stopping when he saw her. There was a moment of silence as the two stared at one another.

She tilted her head before saying, "Wow", sheer awe laden her voice, "your health bar is HUGE!"

"Um...what are you talking about?" the man asked in confusion.

She turned her head as if she was following some invisible line, "I don't think it stops…."

The man turned his head in the direction she was looking. "What are you even staring at?"

**Omake 2: Japan**

Havel looked up in surprise, noticing her for the first time. "Oh. Um...I'll hold onto it, if you'd like." He took the gem from her with his free hand, moving it behind his back. When he brought it back out, he was no longer holding the gem.

She shot up in surprise, "Eeeeeeeehhhh?! Nanidesuka?!" dashing around Havel's back to try and find it.

Havel looked at her strangely. "Where did you say you were from, again?"

She blinked, "I didn't."

**Omake 3: Why the crow was not a valid mount Pt1**

"Well, inquisitive little thing, aren't you? Well, the first bell is in the Undead Church, way up there." He pointed upwards, his finger aimed at a large stone building above them. "Unfortunately, the lift is broken. Alas, you will have to make your way through Undead Burgh. Go up those stairs over there," a vague wave in the direction of a well and a tree, "and make your way through the water way. As for Blighttown, it's a nasty little town that is full of poisonous muck and vile creatures that smell. I would rather die before I ever set foot in that accursed location once more." The man grimaced, memories resurfacing of his own trek down below.

"Just up that cliff there? At that parish?" she pointed up at the cliff.

"Er, yes. Right up there," he said, a little annoyed at her repeating what he said.

"Ah," she turned up to look at the Crow, "Hey! Huggin! Want to do me a quick favor?"

And so she flew up to the bell and rung it, then hopped back on the crow and flew back down to Firelink Shrine. "Did...did you really just fly on the crow up to the bell?" the man asked incredulously.

"Mmm, dunno why no one ever thought of that before," she shrugged her shoulders.

The man gave the crow a nasty look. "Probably because he pecks at anyone who gets close enough to him to try," he grumbled under his breath, "Bloody birds."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2:The World Down Under**

**SneakyDevil: Welcome to ch2! In case you didn't realize yet, this is not a crack fic. This is a "more realistic" approach to DS1. As in, fuck gameplay, go Lore! Which means the following: Fire actually burns, Havel is **_**motherfucking Havel The Rock**_**, magic can get pretty ridiculous now that it is no longer constrained by "what the artist feels like drawing and what the programmer feels like writing" because remember the most important rule of Magic: **_**Its motherfucking magic numbnuts.**_

* * *

"Thanks for your help, Solaire," Havel said, shaking the golden phantom's hand.

"Not a problem, friends," Solaire replied. "Though I never caught your name, sir."

"Oh! Oh! I know who he is! He's Havel the Rock! He killed a Dragon and ripped out its tooth!" Valkyrie exclaimed excitedly.

"That would explain the odd weapon choice," Solaire commented, nodding to himself. "But didn't Havel himself hollow? How is it that you found a set of the armor worn by his soldiers?"

"Funny story about that, actually," Havel said, walking towards the base of the bell tower, Solaire and Valkyrie following him. "I'm _the _Havel the Rock. Before...whatever happened to Lordran happened. I was brought into this world, _against my will_," he ground out, glancing skyward, "so I've decided to assist the gi..._Valkyrie_, in her...impromptu quest."

"If I might ask, what is it that you two seek to accomplish?" Solaire watched Havel start to climb a tall ladder upwards, Solaire putting hands and right foot onto the ladder once Havel was far enough up for him to climb on, Valkyrie following directly after Solaire.

"Ah..." she trailed off, thinking for a moment, "the Sad Guy told me I had to ring the two bells and that something special would happen if I did." She then nodded to herself as she continued to climb up, "but I think he was lying to me...or not telling me everything."

"Sad Guy?" Solaire inquired.

"I haven't met him yet," Havel answered, reaching the top floor and turning around to offer Solaire and Valkyrie a hand up. Solaire took the proffered hand, Havel effortlessly pulling him up. Before Havel could turn back to assist Valkyrie she had already scrambled up the ladder, brushing herself off. Havel walked out onto a small stone ledge, leaning a little to look over the edge. "Never was a big fan of heights," he muttered, turning around and seeing a second ladder on the outside of the tower. He started climbing it, the party keeping the same order they had before. At the top, they stopped to stare at the large, oxidized bell. Beneath it was a lever. "So, who wants to try first?"

"Mmm! I will!" Valkyrie announced as she walked up to the lever, put down the halberd and gave it a hard two-handed yank. Unfortunately the lever went nowhere _even with all that strength she put behind it_, _how surprising_. "Hrmph! It won't budge!" she said as she picked her spear back up, moving away from it.

Havel shook his head, walking forwards and grabbing the lever with both hands. With a grunt of exertion, he yanked on it.

SNAP

Everyone looked at the now broken lever in Havel's hands. "Um...oops?" Havel offered weakly, dropping the lever. "Think I put a little too much into that one."

"Perhaps you could give the bell one good hit with your dragontooth, Havel," Solaire offered, Havel unslinging his weapon at the suggestion.

"Not a bad idea." Havel raised the tooth and gave the bell a 'light' tap, the bell ringing loud and clear for all to hear. "Well, that's one bell down. Valkyrie, before we head back to the other bell, I'd like to check the route to Anor Londo, if possible."

"Eh? Uh...sure?" she shrugged, uncaring of her destination.

"Great," Havel breathed a sigh of relief. "Well, Solaire, we'll let you get back to your own journey. Don't forget, call upon us if you need us."

"Will do," Solaire replied, pulling out a white crystal with a black tip on it. He gave them a wave before kneeling with the object, his phantom slowly fading from their world.

"Right then, onto the fortress," Havel said, walking back to the ladders to begin sliding down them.

Once they reached the bottom, they both jumped as a voice said, "Greetings!" They turned to see a man wearing a mask and dressed in all black, his arms held straight out to his sides. "I am Oswald of Carim, the pardoner."

"Um...Hello?" Havel looked at Valkyrie, who looked back at him, shrugging. "We, uh...we're just leaving now...bye…"

"Do you not have a sin to confess? Or perhaps you have an accusation you wish to share? 'Tis only human to sin, but I can pardon any and all you have done, friends," Oswald said, his head tracking Havel and Valkyrie as they sidestepped to the door. Havel started to gently push Valkyrie towards the door a bit quicker.

"Ah," she said as she side-stepped out of Havel's way and tilted her head, "What's a sin?"

Such an innocent question threw Oswald for a loop, if his widening eyes and generally surprised look were anything to go by. "Surely thou jest," he started. "How hast thee gone through thy life unknowing of sin?"

She blinked "Would you believe me if I told you that I lived on a rock in the ocean for ten years?"

This time, it was Havel's turn to be surprised, his head snapping around to look at Valkyrie. "Ten years on a rock?" he repeated, trying to think as to why anyone would be in such a place for so long.

"Surely thou did not always live in such a place?" Oswald questioned.

Valkyrie simply shrugged, "I lived other places but the people were...very mean." she finished lamely.

"Well, to sin is to do something that would be considered bad. Stealing, adultery, killing. How big or small, I can pardon them all," explained Oswald.

She tilted her head and placed her hand on her chin, "Ah? So burning people is fine then? That is a relief!"

Oswald blinked before replying, "Er...no...no, that's still a sin. In fact, that would most likely fall under killing."

"Eh!?" she started waving her arms around, "But what if they are all mean and like Rah Rah Rah!" she finished with a grabbing and gnawing motion.

"Then they have sinned against thee. Shouldst thou retaliate and kill them, thou wilt have also sinned, though 'twould not be judged as severely," Oswald supplied.

"Hrmm...Ah! Havel! Havel! He said that the mean people were Hollows and we killed lots of them! It was all like smash and Fwoosh!" she exclaimed.

"Alright, that's enough for one day. We're leaving now, Valkyrie," Havel said, picking Valkyrie up by the back of her hood, holding her out in front of him as he walked out of the bell tower back onto the roof of the parish.

Oswald lowered his arms, "...bye?"

* * *

They walked down the stairs, Havel staring at the ruins of Firelink Shrine. On their way back, they had taken a slight detour in order to see how the path to Anor Londo had fared. Havel had been frustrated upon seeing that the gates of the fortress had been closed. After walking closer to inspect the gates, they had met a man named Siegmeyer, a man hailing from Catarina, wearing the bulbous armor of a Catarina knight. He apparently had traveled to Lordran seeking adventure, but he had been stopped by the gates at the fortress. After a quick conversation, Valkyrie and Havel walked back into the parish, heading to the elevators and stepping on one. They saw a man with blonde hair, his hair in the shape of a bowl cut, wearing armor made of leather and bits of metal plating. A knight's shield was strapped to his left arm, a morning star in his right. "Hail, brother," Havel said, recognizing the armor as similar to that worn by warriors in the Way of White.

The man turned to look at the two, staring wide eyed as it registered that a man wearing what looked to be the armor of one of Havel's warriors, holding a woman by the back of her hood, was standing just mere feet from him. "What the fuck?" the man said, forgetting his position momentarily. After a moment, he closed his jaw, straightening up. "A fellow practitioner, I assume?"

"Something like that," Havel said, a hint of amusement in his voice.

"Ah. Havel? Can you put me down?" Valkyrie asked.

"Ah, right. Sorry." He set her back on her feet, turning his attention once more to the blonde man. "Who might you be?"

"I am Petrus, of Thorolund," the man answered, bowing his head slightly. "Always a pleasure to see a fellow member." He then looked at Valkyrie, addressing her. "And who might you be, young lady?"

She brushed herself off and readied her spear, before suddenly striking, what seemed to her, an epic pose and shouted "I am Valkyrie! Keeper of Fwoosh!"

"Of...fwoosh?" He looked at her, left eyebrow raised. "I am...unfamiliar with this...'fwoosh', you speak of, but I can teach you miracles." He looked between the two, an almost unnoticeable smirk passing over his lips quickly. "For a price."

Havel looked at the man, crossing his arms. "Selling miracles? Last I checked, to receive aid was a blessing freely given," he said, his tone colored with a bit of anger. "Has the Way of White fallen so far that they would allow a swindler to join their ranks?"

"I beg your pardon!" Petrus exclaimed, offended by this stranger's insult.

"Shall I repeat myself?" Havel asked. "I would gladly do so, if that is what you wish."

"I am not asking for coin, merely souls. It was my understanding that this land uses souls for transactions, as most here are Undead," Petrus said, nervous. He didn't believe for even a second that the man in front of him was Havel the Rock, merely a person who had taken his name, but he made it a point to avoid angering those who could cause him harm. A man who wore stone armor like it was fabric was most surely such a person.

"If you were Undead, then I may be willing to overlook such a blatant disregard for the tenets of the Way of White. However, you are not an Undead. You are human. What use have you for souls?" Havel asked. Petrus said nothing, merely looking at the ground. "I believe we are done here, then." Havel walked away.

Valkyrie still stood there, in a state of shock, having not moved from the pose she had introduced herself in, the two men close enough to hear her repetitiously mumbling, "He doesn't know about Fwoosh.." Valkyrie followed after Havel soon after. As they came in sight of the Bonfire, Havel took note of the man in full chainmail sitting on a rock, his expression downcast.

Valkyrie walked into Havel, still dazed, and bounced off the literal Mountain of a man. Rapidly blinking, she looked around and re-oriented herself, at which point she noticed Sad Guy. "Ah! Sad Guy! Havel! This is Sad Guy! The one who told me all about the Bells of Awareness!"

Sad Guy looked up, jumping when he saw Havel. "Why the fuck is that thing out of the tower?!" he yelled, his shield and sword now in hand, his chainmail rattling as his body shook in fear.

"Excuse me?" Havel asked, scratching his helmet in confusion. He then remembered having to kill a Hollowed version of himself. "Oh! That. Right." He looked at Sad Guy, who had his shield raised, his sword pointed at Havel. "You can take it easy. I already killed that...uh...creature."

_Boy, that was an awkward thing. Sorry about that._

Sad Guy peeked over his shield, his eyes running up and down Havel. "Truly?" Havel simply nodded. "Well...you don't appear to be a bloodthirsty, murderous creature." He slowly put away his shield and weapon.

"I should hope not," Havel said with a slight chuckle.

"Well, moving on from that," Sad Guy said, looking at Valkyrie again. "I heard a bell ringing. Was that you two?"

"Yes, it was," Havel replied. "We were hoping that you could provide us with a bit more information on how to get to...'Bitetown'."

"You mean Blighttown," the man supplied, nodding his head as he cradled his chin with his hand. "Well, to get there, you'll have to travel through the Depths. You'll need a key, however. A key which I dropped in my haste to escape from Lower Undead Burg. You may be able to find it, should you look hard enough."

"And how does one get to Lower Undead Burg?" Havel asked after Sad Guy was quiet for a moment.

"Well, there's a gate back in Undead Burg, near the first bonfire, that you could use to access it. It is, unfortunately, locked from the other side."

"That shouldn't be too much of a problem," Havel said, feeling that he knew which gate the man in chainmail was referring to.

Sad Guy looked to be in thought for a few moments. "I wonder whatever happened to that silly sorcerer's apprentice. Ran off to Undead Burg, looking for his master, but he hasn't come back. Serves him right, I suppose. What chance has he got down there if not even Old Big Hat couldn't make it through there?" he muttered, mostly to himself, though it didn't go unheard by Havel.

He kept his thoughts to himself, however, as he followed Valkyrie back to the water way. They took a moment to rest at the bonfire in Undead Burg before continuing across the narrow bridge, looking at where once stood wooden scaffolding, small piles of ashes the only remains. In the room at the other end, there lay a rusted gate of metal. Havel gave it a push to check if it would budge, the metal giving a slight groan from having pressure exerted on one of its bars. He would have continued if not for the sound of shifting stone that _wasn't _ originating from his armor. Realizing that the building wasn't as structurally sound as he thought he let up and took a step back.

"Well, forcing it open won't do us any good if the building comes down on us," he said in thought. He looked at the rusted over lock, wondering if there was a way to open it from this side without compromising the building's structural integrity. He then remembered that there was a pyromancer right beside him. "Valkyrie. Do you think you could make a flame hot enough to melt this lock off the gate?"

She set her spear up against the wall and gave him a smile, "My Burny hand is always ready," she said as she rubbed her two hands together as if she was warming them up, _quite literally in her case I suppose._ As small flames danced in both her hands, Havel watched as they turned from a dull red to orange to a bright yellow, as she walked towards the gate, eyes narrowed in concentration. She quickly pressed her hands to the rusted lock before moving her hands away with the same amount of urgency. In those mere moments however the lock had turned to a molten orange that Havel capitalized on with a hefty shove, shattering the now molten lock.

"Better than a key," he commented, shaking the molten drops off of his glove.

Valkyrie turned and grabbed her spear and replied "You only say that because you got to smash something."

Havel looked away. "I have no idea what you're talking about," he said, walking down the stairs with a whistle. Once at the bottom of the stairs, they looked at the scene before them, malnourished dogs limping around, small piles of furniture on fire. As they made their way through the alleyway in front of them, the dogs avoiding them, sensing something amiss with these new visitors to the lower burg. As they passed four doors, the doors were thrown open and four thieves jumped out, clad in leather armor. One of them rushed up behind Havel, thrusting his dagger into the back of Havel's armor. The dagger broke as it hit the armor, Havel twisting around to backhand the thief away.

In response, Valkyrie jumped back and supported Havel with a fireball or two to herd them, Havel forgoing his shield and dragontooth to make use of his own agility. As one thief rushed at him with a dagger pointed at him, Havel stepped to the left, slapping at the knife and then grabbing the thief's right wrist. Havel then swiveled his own hip, planting his right foot behind the thief's backstep and then used his left arm to push against the thief's neck, forcing his body to bend and fall. The elbow of the thief's right arm impacted with the metal plated leather of Havel's now bent right leg, the elbow snapping as it tried to resist the impact. Before the thief could scream, Havel grabbed his head and giving a quick twist, silencing the miscreant for good.

Havel stood up, looking at the three remaining thieves. With a nod from the apparent leader, two of them rushed at Havel, one flipping towards him. Havel's right fist came back and then shot forward, impacting the flipping thief's face in mid-flight, sending him flying back. The other one stopped, looking back at his partner. He then tensed as he felt a hand clamp on his shoulder, another clamping onto the back of his shirt. He felt himself being lifted into the air, directly over Havel's head. Havel released the thief, letting the new victim fly up into the air a bit. As he began to fall, Havel grabbed him by the arm and leg, slamming him down onto his knee, then throws him back up, repeating the process, this time slamming the thief onto his back. Havel dropped the thief, stepping forward to pick up the one he had punched in mid flip. He punched him once more, before dropping him to the floor and stomping on the back of his head.

The leader, despite watching Havel single handedly dispatch his subordinates with his bare hands, decided to run at Havel and jump, aiming to kick Havel's head. Havel responded simply. He grabbed the leader's ankle and proceeded to slam him onto the cobblestone path, swinging him over his head between hits. After a handful of hits, he dropped the thief.

"Heh, puny thief."

Havel looked up, "Really?"

She looked offended, "What? He tried to _jump kick someone in stone armor,_ not to mention how you just rekt his friends."

"Rekt? What's that?"

Valkyrie blinked in surprise before a look of understanding crossed her face, or what Havel assumed to be a look of understanding from what he could see of her face. She placed her left fist, holding the spear, on her hip and held her pointer finger on her right hand in the air, as if she was lecturing a classroom of small children, "G-Man says it sometimes, usually like 'Heh, get rekt noob' and it's usually 'cause someone did something really dumb and 'got rekt' because of it. I think it just they got beat up badly," she looked at the destroyed corpses of the thieves, "or died."

Havel shook his head, "I dislike thieves." They continued towards the end of the alley, spotting a fog gate with a set of stairs off to the right. Havel stepped through the gate first. As Valkyrie prepared to follow, she heard growling and then the sound of iron colliding with stone. She quickly stepped through the gate to see Havel currently holding off two gigantic machetes with his shield, the machetes held by a large demon, its leathery skin rippling with the muscles underneath it, the red eyes glowing in its skull, glaring down at Havel.

Valkyrie shuddered at the sight of the Capra Demon, the flames in her hands flaring and turning a sickly red as rage overtook her features. She quickly dashed forward, spear forgotten and scaled Havel's back with a running leap. Both of her hands ignited with that sickly red flame just as she lunged at the Capra Demon and grabbed onto its head. "GREAT CHAOS FIREBALL!" With those words the Capra Demon's Head ignited into a sickly looking conflagration of lava and fire.

"▂▂▃▃▄▄▅!" A wordless shriek of pain and rage assaulted Havel's ears, as the Capra Demon released its blades to flail around as its head melted, Valkyrie falling off from the action. As soon as Havel felt the pressure of the blades gone, he dropped his shield, stopping a moment to see the Capra Demon stumbling around, its skull now almost completely gone to reveal now burned skin, still smoking. He grabbed his dragon tooth with hands, slamming it into the demon's gut, forcing it to its knees. He then swung back ninety degrees and then swung the tooth forward, his body pivoting with the movement, the dragon tooth meeting the demon's head. Havel felt resistance for only a moment before the demon was sent back into the now burning tree, no longer making noise. In the corner, the demon's two guard dogs merely whimpered.

Havel walked over to the demon, having noticed that something was shining on its waist. He bent down and picked up a key, idly wondering if it was the key that Sad Guy had mentioned. He then looked at Valkyrie, seeing her calmed down now. "Are you okay?" he asked.

Valkyrie shook her head, "I dislike Demons."

"I've noticed." With that, they walked back out through the doorway, the fog gate gone.

As they began their way back towards the stairs that lead to the upper burg, they heard muffled shouting. "Hello? Is anyone out there?" The voice was quiet for just a moment before it called out once again. "Please, if someone, anyone is out there, unlock the door!" They made their way to a door that seemed to be in good shape, thinking it was where the voice was coming from.

"Is someone in there?" Havel asked through the door, knocking on it.

"Hello?!" the voice said once again, sounding relieved. "Oh, thank the gods, someone's here! Please, unlock the door!"

"Stand away from the door," Havel said, raising his boot as he spoke. He kicked at the door, splintering the lock and snapping the hinges, the door falling into the room. He looked inside to see a man wearing the standard armor of a black sorcerer, a small leather shield on his left arm, his sorcerer's catalyst on his belt. He looked relieved to see another person.

"Oh, thank you, thank you!" he said, coming from behind the barrels to shake Havel's hand vigorously with both of his. "I thought I was done for in here!"

Valkyrie tilted her head, "Ah? Who are you?"

The young man let go of Havel's hand, straightening up and looking a bit embarrassed. "RIght, where are my manners? I am Griggs, a sorcerer of Vinheim Dragon School and apprentice to Master Logan." He gave a slight bow at the waist, raising back up with a cheerful smile on his face.

She nodded, "Ah..I am from school of Vinheim too. I think they said I was a 'pro-de-gy' or whatever. They weren't very nice there," she frowned, " they said my Fwoosh was barbaric!"

Just as Griggs opened his mouth to ask Valkyrie something, Havel cut him off. "I am Havel. The young woman is Valkyrie," he said, gesturing to his red haired companion. "So, you're the apprentice that Sad Guy mentioned."

"Sad Guy?" Griggs asked, holding his chin in thought. "Oh! You mean that warrior at the shrine, yes?"

"He is. If you don't mind my asking, where did you learn sorcery from?" Havel asked, his voice neutral.

"From the Vinheim Dragon School, sir," Griggs replied. "I was enrolled as a student for a short time before Master Logan took me on as an apprentice. A huge honor, that was. To be approached by the greatest sorcerer to come from our school and offered a chance to learn directly from him? I was sure that it was a dream!"

Valkyrie tilted her head, "Ah? Your dreamed about cowering in a corner of a town infested with hollows?" she shook her head and mumbled, "and people called me weird."

Griggs chuckled, rubbing his head. "Well, when you put it like that," he said.

"Did you not learn from a being called Seath?" Havel asked, somewhat amused at this point.

"No, sir. I have heard the name, but I have never had any kind of interaction with Seath," Griggs answered, frowning. Havel nodded, apparently satisfied by the answer. "However, Master Logan has expressed great interest in him." Havel gave a click of his tongue at that.

"I see. Your master had best lose interest, if he knows what is good for him," Havel said. "Nothing good comes from dealing with that corrupt scum."

"Ah...You wouldn't happen to have a spare catalyst would you? They took mine away." Valkyrie asked him.

Griggs started patting his clothes. "Hang on, I think I have a spare here somewhere," he said, before feeling behind his back and pulling out a spare catalyst. "Ah, here we are!" He handed the catalyst to her. He stopped and thought for a moment before asking, "Say, normally I'd charge souls for this but as a fellow student of Vinheim I'm sure you can appreciate my work more than the average ruffians."

"Ah? You have an original spell?" she replied curiously.

"Of course I do!" he said with a large grin, "I'm not Big Hat Logan's apprentice for nothing after all!"

The two had swapped notes, Griggs correcting Valkyrie a few times.

After waiting for the two to finish talking, Havel turned back to the door, walking out onto the street. "Anyways, we'll take you back to Firelink Shrine. We need to talk to Sad Guy about how to get to the Depths and a quick mutter of acknowledgement for the return of Griggs." They walked back to Firelink Shrine, Griggs making note of the ruined corpses of the thieves as they passed. Soon enough, they had arrived. "Hey, Sad Guy!"

Sad Guy looked up to see Havel and Valkyrie, with Griggs in tow. "So, you're back. I take it you've given up?" he asked. Havel could almost, _almost_, see the smirk hidden behind his folded hands. In answer, Havel simply held up the key. "Oh...well...nevermind, then."

"We picked up Griggs, as well." Sad Guy simply nodded towards him, giving a grunt of acknowledgement. "Anything interesting happen while we were gone?"

"Well, we do have a few new arrivals," Sad Guy replied, stretching his legs. Sitting in one position for hours on end tended to leave one stiff and sore. "A quiet little priestess and two guards. They're up by that lard of scum that tried to swindle me some miracles. Gods only know why they put up with him. He's as scummy as they come."

"A priestess and her bodyguards. I wonder if they're as corrupt as that swindler?" Havel pondered. "Valkyrie, want to meet some new people?"

"Ah…" she glances over at Griggs, "I want to talk to Griggs more, he had some good ideas. Plus uh...Hedoesn'thatemeformyfwoosh." She mumbled the last part, poking her fingers together in embarrassment. _Valkyrie gains +5 cuteness. _Havel pat her on the head once, nodding in understanding.

Havel walked up the stairs, giving Petrus a side glance, but otherwise ignoring him. Past Petrus, he saw that there were three new arrivals. Two men and a woman, the woman currently on her knees, seeming to be in prayer. The men were both wearing a set of holy armor, the plates shining in the dim lighting, the one on Havel's right wearing a helmet. The woman was wearing white robes, a hood covering her head. Havel spoke up. "Excuse me. I hope I'm not interrupting anything too important."

The woman turned her head to look at Havel over her shoulder, before turning back around and standing up, dusting off her knees. "No, no," she said, offering Havel a gentle smile. "I was merely praying for success for our journey. I'm afraid I don't have much time to fraternize."

"An Undead, then," Havel realized.

"Indeed. I am Rhea, of Thorolund." She gestured to her guards, first the right, then the left. "These men are Nico and Vince. We are here on a mission of the utmost importance, but we are currently…"

"Lost?" Havel guessed, Rhea nodding in embarrassment. "Well, if you are confused or lost, then perhaps Sad Guy could help you. He has been surprisingly helpful in giving us directions for our own journey."

"Sad Guy?"

"The man in chainmail. He sits by the bonfire." Havel gave Rhea a slight bow of his head. "I apologize if I've taken up too much of your time, Lady Rhea"

"Just Rhea, please," she said. "And I hope that I may have your name, sir."

"My name? It is Havel." Rhea gasped a bit at that, before closing her mouth.

"What a coincidence, that you should bear the same name as Havel the Rock," she commented. "As well as wear the armor of his warriors...and his tooth...and his shield."

"Yes. Quite a coincidence." Havel smiled under his helmet, almost laughing. He was starting to enjoy being treated in such a way. Sure, people looked at him like he was a bit crazy, considering that to them, Havel has been gone for a while, but it was still better than people kissing up to him for being a glorified war hero. "Well, I shall keep you no longer. I wish you fortune in your journey."

"To you as well, Havel," giving him a parting smile before turn back around and continuing her prayer.

Havel walked back to the bonfire, resisting the urge to punch Petrus on his way. He walked back to Sad Guy and sat down beside him, sighing. "Busy day, today," he muttered offhandedly, watching Valkyrie and Griggs talking animatedly. He then turned his attention to Sad Guy. "So. The Depths. How do we get there?"

"Well, you have to pass through Lower Undead Burg to get there. There is a shortcut through the water way that you could take," was the reply. "It's locked from the other side, but you apparently got through the gate connecting upper to lower, so you probably have something for that as well. It'll be easy to find once you get out of the waterway. It's a solid metal door, so it's rather hard to miss."

"Thanks. Think I'll just sit here for a few more minutes." There was silence between the two men for a short while, broken only by the occasional exclamation, or burst of fire, from Valkyrie. Eventually, Havel stood back up, walking over to Valkyrie and Griggs. "Well, sorry to interrupt, but we need to get going. We still have that second bell to ring, after all."

"Ah...yes." She nodded and dusted herself off as she got up. She turned back to Griggs and said" I'll keep an eye out for Big Hat. Bye."

They made their way back into the water way, Havel leading the way. They passed the tunnel that lead to Undead Burg, Valkyrie a little confused as to why, until they stopped at the rusted gate she had seen earlier that day. Havel lifted his foot once again and booted the gate, the metal squealing as he gave it two more kicks before it opened. "Onwards and downwards," he muttered, walking to the end of the passage. They were stopped by a set of iron bars. Further past the bars, they heard some light snoring, but decided against waking up whatever was making that noise. They instead chose to walk through the opening to their right, making their way down a set of stairs, Havel taking just enough time to kick a Hollow off of a wooden platform.

Once at the bottom, they opened a door to see that they were up a short flight of stairs in a long passage that curved off to their right. To the left of the stairs was another door, the solid metal door that Sad Guy had spoken of. "Guess this is it," Havel said once they were standing in front of it. He put the key into the lock, giving it a gentle twist to avoid snapping it. The door opened with a creak. "Yeah. That's not creepy or anything."

They walked through, wooden structures now surrounding them as they made their way down yet another set of stairs to see a large room filled with Hollows wearing loin cloths, some holding broken sword handles, others holding torches. Havel and Valkyrie dispatched any that dared come too close, walking further down until they met a large, fat man wearing a sack on his head. He came at them with his cleaver, slicing down onto Havel's shield. In response, Valkyrie hit him in the face with a fireball, setting fire to his sack.

As the strange man started flailing around now that his head was on fire, Valkyrie looked at her hand, still burning with untapped fire, and began chucking small fireballs at his feet, chuckling all the while. Fortunately for the man, he did not doge a majority of the small fireballs and quickly succumbed to the flames. As most people aren't spry or agile, or for that matter aware of their surroundings, when their head is aflame. "I almost want to ask," Havel began. They continued down once more, wading through water in the bottom of the room and making their way back up a small pile of debris. To the left was a room and there were grunts of exertion coming from the room. Investigating, they found that the room was full of barrels. In the back of the room was a man wearing clothes similar to Valkyrie's.

He looked up as he heard footsteps and saw Havel and Valkyrie. "You!" he exclaimed. "Please, help me out of here!"

She blinked and turned to look at the man stuck in a barrel. "Ah...are you trying to do a barrel roll? You need to be on your side to do that."

"What? No!" The man decided that it would be best to address the walking boulder beside the strange lass. "Look, I'd really like to not be that woman's dinner! If they come back, I'm dead!"

Valkyrie reared her head back in surprise before mumbling, "That was a woman…?"

Havel walked up to him, saying, "Calm down, calm down. I'll get you out of there…"

"Laurentius," the man supplied, Havel putting his hands on the barrel's lips.

"Well, Laurentius, lucky for you, whoever made these used rotted materials," Havel said as he began to pull at the rope, snapping it easily. The planks of the barrel fell away from Laurentius, freeing the man. He immediately stretched his limbs, sighing.

"Thank you," he said, offering his hand to Havel, wincing as Havel shook his hand firmly. "To whom do I owe my thanks?"

"Havel," was the mountain man's reply.

"And I'm Valkyrie, Keeper of Fwoosh!" she exclaimed, doing her trademarked heroic pose.

"Fwoosh?" Laurentius rubbed his chin before his face lit up in recognition. "Ah, you must be a pyromancer!"

"Wait, wait, wait," Havel held up his hands in a time out sign. "You actually understood that?!"

"Of course. What other sound would fire make?" Laurentius asked, as if it should be obvious.

"It is quite clear if you just don't think about it," she supplied, nodding her head in agreement.

_Do you even listen to what comes out of your mouth?_

"Oh course not! That would make me crazy," nodding again as she crossed her arms.

_I...Fuck it. Just get moving._

"I…" Havel simply stood there, before shaking his head. "Fuck it. Let's just get moving."

Laurentius coughed into his hand, getting their attention, "Can we ah...move on? I'd rather spend less time down here than needed.

"We can escort you out of here, but we need to make it through these sewers first," Havel explained. "We need to open the way to Blighttown. I don't suppose you would know the way through?"

Laurentius' face brightened. "Well...I do know the way. See, I'm trying to get there myself. To meet with the Mother of Pyromancy. If you two are on your way there as well, perhaps my journey has a chance of success."

The other pyromancer cocked her head to the side. "Ah? Mother of Pyromancy? Now I want to meet her too!"

And with that, they left the room full of barrels, Havel taking the lead, listening to Laurentius' instructions. They came to a set of hallways with ankle deep water. As Havel's foot hit the water, a putrid looking blob fell from the ceiling, landing in front of him. It began to ooze slowly towards the trio. They weren't very impressed_ and neither was I, honestly what are these things?_

Laurentius in his surprise, quickly cast a fireball at it. While seemingly ineffective at first, as it continued burning, with the help of a second fireball via Valkyrie, the blob stilled and began to writhe chaotically before suddenly losing cohesion and collapsing.

Valkyrie blinked and stared at the remains of the blob, voicing everyone's thoughts at the moment, "Well that was incredibly underwhelming."

"Onwards, I suppose," Havel said, walking forwards. After dealing with a few more slimes and loincloth-clad hollows, they were now in corridors filled with basilisks and large rats. As Havel turned a corner, there was the flash of a barbed blade, followed by a clinking sound as it struck his armor. He looked at the owner of the blade, a red phantom in armor covered in thorns. "Didn't think this through, did you?"

The Knight of Thorns quickly backpedaled away from the mountainous man and readied his shield, then retorted, "Well, it's not everyday someone wears a boulder, eh?"

Havel looked down at his armor, inspecting it. "Hmm...you may have a point there. Though I could say the same about meeting a man wearing a bramble bush."

"Bramble Bush! Bramble! Bush! I will have you know this is expertly made armor in the likeness of an ancient sect of knights and honoring their fondness of shrubberies! At least my armor doesn't make me look like a statue decided to get up and take a walk!" he retorted.

"Can your armor protect you from a dragon?" Havel shot back.

"Oh Yes. Because there are sooo many dragons about these days!" he snarled.

Havel held up his left hand, ticking off on his fingers. "There's also demons, and wyverns, and drakes, possibly some golems, giant rats, hollows everywhere, and random people trying to kill anyone who isn't them."

"Well isn't it fortunate for me that I'm only going after those random people then, eh?" the knight snapped back.

"THREE!" came the shout from behind Rock-Man, rapidly followed by a series of fireballs over each shoulder. They hit the knight and engulfed him in a puff of fire, knocking him back in surprise.

"What the hell?" He glared at Laurentius and Valkyrie. "Who the fuck just does that to someone they just met? Is that how you greet your mum? Just throw a fireball at her?!"

"Ah… is that how you greet your mom?! Huh! All pointy and stuff! …How do you even hug someone? Wouldn't that like...kill them?" Valkyrie shot back.

"...What?" The Knight was momentarily taken aback by the odd response.

"You know...she has an excellent point," Havel chimed in, Laurentius nodding his own head in agreement. "Actually, now that I think about it, that must be extremely painful to put on."

"I...I don't take it off," the Knight muttered.

"..."

"You don't...take it off…" Havel slowly repeated.

"Ah… doesn't that...smell?" asked Valkyrie

"Shut Up! I'll KILL YOU! RAAAGGH!" The Thorny Knight shouted as he charged the group of three, his vision tunneling in rage. Havel raised his fist and punched Bramble Bush in his face, knocking him onto his back. Raising his boot, he slammed it into the chest, thorns bending and snapping under it, the red phantom disappearing a mist of red.

"So...that was a thing," Laurentius said, staring from Havel to Valkyrie.

"You get used to it, honestly ever since Havel started following me, we haven't stopped encountering weird things. It's pretty crazy," she replied. Havel just shrugged, walking forward once more. After a time and many more burning rats, they came upon a man sitting just to the side of a stone archway, wearing a golden helmet with glasses over the slits for his eyes.

The odd man turned his head towards the group, "Aye, siwmae. And good day to you."

Valkyrie stopped and tilted her head to the side, "Ah..?"

The odd man stood up and approached them, holding out his hand as he said "I'm Domhnall of Zena. I'm just, well, a peddler, of sorts. I adore trinkets and oddities, so I trade for them."

"Mmm! I'm Valkyrie, Keeper of Fwoosh! I like your….hat." she replied back, shaking his hand, and before the others got a word in she introduced them as well. Pointing to Havel, "This is Havel the Rock, he wears boulders." Havel noded to Domhnall and shook his hand. And thumbing at Laurentius, "and this is Laurentius, he does fire." Cue wave from Laurentius.

Domhnall nodded, "I see, I see! Well what brings you brave adventurers out into the lowly sewers?" he finished his question by sitting back down where he was when they happened upon him.

"Blighttown is what brings us here. We heard we could get through the Depths to reach it," Havel replied.

Domhnall brought his hand up to his chin and nodded, "Yes, yes, the path you seek is that way friends," he thumbed to his right, "but be wary, there are some things you simply cannot unsee," now thumbing to his left.

Havel walked over to where Domhnall had first pointed, looking at a green gate. He gave it a swift kick, the gate ringing from the hit. "Locked. Heavily reinforced," he noted under his breath, looking at the walls to either side of the gate. "I could get through this given time. The pyromancers probably could, too." He turned away from the gate, nodding towards Domhnall. "Well, thank you for your help, Domhnall. Come on, you two," the last sentence aimed at Laurentius and Valkyrie as he walked towards the stone archway. Through it, they came upon an open area, ringed by a stone balcony of some sort, upon which they were standing. A soft golden glow to the right caught Havel's eye and he walked over there, seeing a familiar summoning sign. He touched it, summoning none other than Solaire, who appeared out of the sign with his trademark 'Praise the Sun' gesture.

"Ah, Havel, Valkyrie, 'tis good to see you again!" he greeted jovially. "I take it that you're looking for a spot of Jolly Co'operation!"

"Ah! Solaire!...wait...What are you doing here Solaire? We are just looking for a key," questioned Valkyrie.

"Ahah! I don't quite know myself! I happened upon a fog gate ahead and I didn't want to run in head first, so I put down a sign to help any who happen across it and to give myself the tactical advantage that comes with foreknowledge!" he jovially told them.

Havel nodded in thought. "Not a bad idea. Wish we'd had these things back during the war...then again I doubt time was as warped back then as it is now," he said, looking off of the balcony towards the open area and the drop off further on. "Alright, let's play this smart. Valkyrie and Laurentius, you two will be providing cover fire-"

"Fire as in burny fire or fwooshy fire?" Valkyrie interrupted. Laurentius nodded his head and rubbed his chin in agreement.

"...Make it a surprise," Havel replied. "Anyways. You two stay up here and burn anything that isn't me or Solaire. Solaire, you're down in the arena with me."

"Jolly good!" Solaire piped up. He and Havel walked down a short flight of stairs, Solaire gesturing towards the fog gate that he had mentioned. "After you, friend."

Havel walked through the gate, Solaire soon after. He looked around, seeing nothing. "Anything?" Valkyrie called from the balcony. Havel continued to turn around, when a soul arrow splashed off of his armor.

"Oh. Another Channeler," he muttered, pulling out his greatbow after spotting the six-eyed sorcerer. He fired two arrows after it, the first one nicking it's arm, _since when does nicking mean dismembering?_ The second found its mark in the Channeler's face.

"Aw, that's so cute!" Valkyrie squealed.

"What?" Havel turned around, putting away his greatbow, to see what looked to be the head of a young dragon. He paused, looking at it. "Well...I guess you could say that it's kinda cute…"

That thought quickly died as the...dragon...pulled itself up the rest of the way, exposing the rest of its body to the horrified onlookers. The four wings on its back were the most normal part of it, its torso simply a giant vertical gaping maw filled with teeth, arms and legs long and skinny. It roared at them, breaking them out of their daze.

"Havel, doesn't that kinda look like a giant-" Solaire began but Havel was quick to cut him off.

"Don't even go there Solaire. I WILL throw you at him." Havel finished for him.

Solaire turned his head and asked, "Wouldn't it be a her because-"

"Solaire." Havel cut him off again. He turned his attention back to the dragon.

"It's times like these that I'm really glad I'm a phantom," Solaire said.

"Why?"

"Because I can't actually get hurt."

"Well, congratulations, Solaire," Havel said in a cheerful tone, patting Solaire's shoulder.

"What?"

"You just earned yourself a promotion to meatshield!" Havel gave him a jovial slap on the back.

"What was I before that?" Solaire mumbled under his breath as he walked forward.

"Now, then," Havel muttered as he pulled his talisman from his hip, holding his dragontooth in his right hand. "Let's see if I can use Valkyrie's little trick." Saying a silent prayer, Havel dragged his talisman over the dragontooth, concentrating on his task. As the talisman moved over it, the tooth was slowly covered in lightning. Havel put away the talisman after coating his favored weapon in lightning and looked at it before sighing. "I could have saved a fortune on that pine resin."

The next few minutes were chaos, as Solaire and Havel darted in and out of the dragon's range, choosing quick hits over slow and powerful hits. Valkyrie and Laurentius pelted it from the balcony with fireballs, but they didn't have much effect against its thick scaled hide. The two pyromancers were currently leaning against the balcony, having figured out quickly that their fireballs were completely useless against the beast. They watched with mild interest as Solaire attempted to hack its tail off, while Havel looked as though he were trying to break the beast's knees. Which he probably was trying to do. If only the gaping maw would stand still for even a second longer, he could hit it.

* * *

Valkyrie sighed as she leaned on the railing, "I'm not sure our fwoosh is going to be enough to kill this..."

Laurentius rested one arm and scratched his chin in thought with the other, "Mmm, this was certainly unexpected. Do you have any other ideas?"

She shook her head sadly, "No, I know some sorcery but it's really only useful against...well...no whatever that is."

He nodded, "Ah, I see. Speaking of which doesn't it kinda look like a giant-"

"Laurentius!" she interrupted sharply.

"What? I'm just saying-"

She turned her head and gave him a glare,_ not that he could see it because of her helmet, _" I know what it looks like, but here we are doing nothing while they are probably discussing strategy!"

He huffed, "Well what can we do, either our fireballs miss or they hit its skin and do nothing! It's not like we can make a continuous stream of fire or something!"

Valkyrie started then pumped her fist into the air with evident joy, "But we can! I know how to do that!" Her unseen eyes sparkled with happiness at that moment, "Come closer, Laurentius, and I shall learn you the ways of keeping the Burny Hand strong."

* * *

Back with Havel and Solaire, they were currently hiding behind a pillar, the mouth on legs searching for them. "Alright," Havel sighed. "Really wish we had some silver knights with us. They would have helped greatly against this dragon."

"That's a dragon?!" Solaire exclaimed incredulously.

"Moving on. Damn thing keeps moving. I can't get a solid hit on any of its knees. What about you, Solaire?"

"That tail is rather dangerous. Everytime I think I have a good slash lined up, it sweeps and knocks me away. I'm actually starting to run a bit low on my estus," Solaire answered, holding up a stone flask glowing orange.

Havel crossed his arms, sighing once more. "Well...one problem at a time. Let's get rid of that tail first. We just need it to swing at us." Havel stepped out from behind the pillar, gesturing for Solaire to follow suit. "I'll get its tail to hold still."

"How do you propose to do that?" Solaire questioned as the tail came at them.

Havel dropped his tooth and shield and _caught the fucking tail!_ "Start chopping!" Havel grunted at Solaire, who complied after shaking off his stupor.

Gripping the sword in both hands, Solaire began chopping off the dragon's tail, hacking away with all his might. "Got it!" he cheered as the tail came away, falling to the ground, Havel dropping the portion he had and quickly picking up his shield and tooth again. The dragon aimed its torso at Havel and Solaire, twitching. Coincidentally, Havel and Solaire's backs were facing the balcony upon which stood Valkyrie and Laurentius.

'

Its maw opened wide and began to leak a noxious, discolored fluid. As it began to gush out a cry of "NOW!" pierced the disturbing image as an enormous gout of continuous flame shot from the balcony and smashed into the Gaping Maw igniting its mouth. The dragon reared back and snapped its mouth shut, now leaking rapidly burning acid.

"Solaire...get behind me. Now," Havel ordered.

"What for?" Solaire asked.

"Just do it!" Havel planted his shield into the ground, kneeling, Solaire following suit at the barked command.

The dragon suddenly began shakily violently and stumble about. It then froze before violently exploding into an enormous ball of fire, sending chunks of burning flesh and scorched bone everywhere. _Well that was certainly a first._ Havel carefully peeked out from behind his shield as the frequency of impacts on his shield slowed down, eyes widening slightly when what looked to be a large axe came flying at the shield. It hit the shield, releasing a shockwave that knocked Havel backwards into Solaire, stunning Solaire.

"Are you two okay?" Laurentius called from the balcony, Havel giving a thumbs-up, laying on his back.

"THAT. WAS . TOTALLY. AWESOME!" screamed Valkyrie as she pumped her fist and jumped in the air. "Can we do that again?!"

"Maybe next week," Havel answered, slowly standing up. He walked over to the greataxe, picking it up and examining it, taking note that its edge was actually flat and quite wide, looking more like a hammer.. "Must have been stuck in that thing's tail." He hefted it, giving a few practice swings before slamming it into the ground, replicating the shockwave that had knocked him over. "Think I'll hold onto this."

"Did you find a Key!" Valkyrie shouted down at them.

"Oh...right. Completely forgot about that…" Havel started looking around, surveying the broken and burning flesh. "Well...this could be a while…"

"Have fun with that, Havel," Solaire said, saluting to Havel.

"You're not gonna stick around to help?"

"I'm just the meatshield!" was the jovial reply.

"Alright, alright," Havel sighed, before chuckling. "Your turn to fight that thing, anyways."

"Oh...shit…" Solaire's shoulder drooped as he began to fade from the world.

* * *

_**Some Time Later**_

* * *

The trio stood in front of the gate, glaring at the little key in Havel's hand. So much trouble for a rusted piece of scrap. Havel put the key in and twisted, unlocking the gate. He then twisted it further, snapping the key, then punched the remains, its shape no longer recognizable. "Never. Again," he said.

"I think my nose is dead," lamented Valkyrie.

"You still have your sense of smell?" Laurentius questioned. "Did you not lose yours after becoming Undead?"

"Ah… I'm human still. A giant crow kidnapped me from my home, which was a giant rock in the middle of the ocean, and brought me here under the impression that I was a Chosen One. At least that was what G-Man said," she replied, nodding her head with one finger held in the air, as if lecturing him.

"I myself have the Darksign, but I haven't yet died," Havel added. "But we can leave that for a later date. For now, let's see what lies ahead." They walked through the gate, stopping to look over the edge to stare at a swamp of poison and mud, odd little creatures everywhere. Havel heard Laurentius gulp. "Is there a problem?"

"I...I'm not sure that I can do this, to be honest," Laurentius replied. "This has all been a bit too much for me...I'm worried that I may hollow should I continue ahead."

"All right. We'll take you back to Firelink, then. We cleared out the way here, getting back should be no problem."

* * *

Sad Guy sat in his usual spot, reflecting on the events of the day. First was the crow's delivery of what could be the next Chosen Undead. A somewhat crazy girl with red hair and the gift of pyromancy. Then came the Havel look alike. And they hadn't died yet! The last alleged Chosen Undead he had met had promptly jumped off the clip by Anastacia, yelling something about treasure. After a bit of contemplating, he shrugged, closing his eyes to enjoy the peace that was Firelink Shrine.

"HI! SAD GUY!"

He sighed, and there it went.

* * *

"We're back, Sad Guy," came Havel's voice. "With two new faces." He thumbed towards Laurentius and Domhnall, who both waved, Laurentius walking up the steps behind Sad Guy, while Domhnall went to sit by the well.

"We opened the gate," Laurentius said as he passed Sad Guy. "Man, that is one helluva trek. Killed an abomination that Havel insists is a dragon."'

"Yeah!" Valkyrie said excitedly, "Me and Laury were all like Super Fwoosh! Then the dragon was all like Kaboom!"

"So...what did you two do, anyways?" Havel asked, turning to look at the shorter man, Valkyrie having walked off to talk with Griggs once more.

"Mmm, Val taught me the intricacies of casting a continual flame that loses significantly less power over distance. It takes a lot of concentration to do, and you need both hands to do it. We casted it simultaneously, which resulted in that enormous...beam of fire that you saw." Laurentius explained.

"I see," replied Havel thoughtfully, "I didn't take her for the instructor type."

"Yeah, that is the thing though," Laurentius leaned in, as if he was telling a secret, "When she started teaching me, it's like her whole personality changed as if-"

"She was like a completely different person?" Havel finished for him. He continued, taking Laurentius' surprise as a 'yes', "Don't be so surprised, I've been with her longer. We encountered a demon...or two. She was certainly different from her usual self the second she laid eyes on them."

"A demon, eh? So, somehow the lost city of Izalith is mixed up in this…" Laurentius sighed and turned to look at Valkyrie happily chatting away with Griggs, "She is certainly something special, keep an eye on that one then, she certainly packs a magical punch."

"Ah!" Sad Guy smacked his hand to his forehead, gaining Havel's attention. "I just remembered! There was a shortcut you could have taken to Blighttown. Could have skipped the Depths entirely."

One could almost hear something snap in Havel's head. "You're telling me...that I didn't have to dig through piles upon piles of dragon guts and bones and whatever else that was for three hours?" he grit through his teeth. Sad Guy wisely remained quiet, merely pointing towards a set of stairs that Havel hadn't noticed before. "Come on, Valkyrie." Havel gestured Valkyrie over, who said a quick goodbye to Griggs before jogging to catch up to Havel as he made his way down the steps. They stopped upon seeing a man in golden colored armor sitting across from a jail cell that was directly under the bonfire.

The man quickly took notice of the two. "Hello, there. I'm Knight Lautrec, of...Carim…" he trailed off as he turned his head to look at the walking boulder known as Havel. "Um…"

"Yes, I'm wearing armor made of stone," Havel supplied. "And yes, this _is_ a dragontooth on my back. Name's Havel. The lass is Valkyrie." He looked in the cell, letting Lautrec digest this info. "And who might you be, young lady?" He was referring to the woman in the dirty black rags in the cell, her bright blonde hair gleaming a bit in what little light made it in there. Her blue eyes darted up to look at Havel quickly, before she turned her attention back to the ground.

"She doesn't talk much," Lautrec answered. "Missing her tongue, it would seem."

"And her legs, broken," Havel noted, eyes narrowed. "Then you must be the firekeeper of Firelink." He bowed his head towards her. "I am sorry that you were chosen for this duty." He stood back up, walking past Lautrec to continue down the stairs. They were stopped by a rusted gate and Havel stepped back, looking at Valkyrie. "Go on, then."

She took on a look of concentration and cupped her hands together, before long there between her hands floated a bright burning ball, as it grew in size she cast it at the gate. The glob of magical fire exploded on the gate unleashing its payload, making short work of the rusty iron lock, before just as quickly cooling off. She smiled and looked towards Havel, "Done!"

Havel gave the gate a light push, the hinges squeaking with the motion. "So you are. Let's go, then. Down we go." They stepped on the elevator and were on their way to Blighttown.

* * *

"I" vwoop "hate" vwoop "this" vwoop vwoop vwoop "swamp." VWOOOP, another insect exploded as the Greater Heavy Soul Arrow smashed into it. Valkyrie shifted a bit on Havel's shoulders and fired another magical arrow at the never ending stream of blood-sucking toxic insects.

"Just keep shooting. Once we're done here, we can burn it to the fucking ground, for all I care," Havel grumbled as he kept a firm hold on Valkyrie's legs to keep her steady. "We'd be doing Lordran a favor."

As Havel slogged through the toxic slime, Valkyrie saw a figure sitting against a column. The monsters seemed to be very pointedly avoiding that column. Valkyrie tapped Havel's helmet and pointed at the column. He aimed his body towards the column and began walking. Once they made it on there, he set Valkyrie down for a bit, stretching his legs, watching as the sludge slowly oozed off his armor.

"Ah… Hi, who are you?" Valkyrie questioned after stretching as well.

"Valkyrie, who are you talking to?" Havel asked as he looked out over the swamp, scanning for monsters.

"Ah… there is someone wearing odd robes leaning on the column." she said as she pointed at said now startled figure.

Havel turned around to see the figure. "Oh...how did I miss that?"

"You can see me?" the figure asked, the voice soft and feminine. "You have a gift." The figure gave a nod towards Valkyrie. "I am Quelaana of Izalith."

"Quelaana?" Havel repeated. "Might I see your face?" Quelaana acquiesced, slowly pulling her hood off of her face to reveal a young face with red hair and brown eyes. Havel bent down to look in her eyes. "My, how you've grown, young lady," he said with a chuckle.

"I'm sorry?"

"You may find this hard to believe, but I'm Havel. I killed myself in a...that just sounds weird...anyways, long story short, pulled from my time to this one. Because fuck my life, apparently."

"That's impossible," Quelaana retorted, almost snapping back at him. "Havel is hollowed out. Locked away in a tower, insane." Her hand came up, a small flame of sickly orange appearing in it, ready to strike at the impostor.

"Yes. The Havel of this Lordran was...perhaps it would be easier to show you proof." Havel reached up, pulling off his helmet. Under the helmet was a surprisingly young looking face, brown hair reaching just below his ears, hazel eyes looking at Quelaana. Under his left eye was a bright blue tattoo of a dragon, covering his cheek. He pointed at the tattoo, halfway between grinning and grimacing. "This alone should suffice." Under his breath, "Fucking Ornstein."

*Snerk/_Snerk_*

"You look like a girl, Havel," Valkyrie said in between bouts of laughter.

"Why do you think I wear the helmet? This thing isn't just for protection." Havel put the helmet back on, standing up straight again.

Quelaana lowered her hand, the flame disappearing. Off to the side, Valkyrie had her own hands cupped, concentrating on recreating the flame that Quelaana had just used. The flashes of light that occurred from the bursts of flame, as she lost control of it, snapped Quelaana's attention back over to her. "What do you think you're doing?!" Quelaana barked at Valkyrie.

Startled by the shout, the ball hovering above her hands burst into a small confetti of lava that she quickly pulled her hands from. "Ah...I was trying to copy your pretty fwoosh," she sighed as he shoulders slumped at her failure.

"Fwoosh?" the mother of pyromancy repeated to herself. "You are a pyromancer?"

"Mhrm!" she nodded perking up, "A nice old lady taught me everything a long time ago!"

"You have quite the gift, child. To be able to achieve that level of control of your inner fire takes years. The woman who taught you must have been quite the teacher."

"Yeah…" she nodded sadly, gaining a far off look," When I asked her why she would teach me, she said something about redemption and last hope. I never saw her after she finished teaching me, at least I think so. It's all really fuzzy."

"I am sorry for your loss," Quelaana said, nodding at Valkyrie. "If you would like, I would be willing to teach you more about Chaos Pyromancy. It would be a disservice if I did not."

She smiled and nodded, "Yeah, that sounds like fun! Ah…but first let me take off this helmet, gotta look like Fwooshmaster if I'm going to learn like one!" She quickly removed her helmet, revealing the fire red hair matted down with sweat and her shining blood red eyes, before flicking her hood back up, "Okay, I'm ready now."

"Whoa, hang on! Before you get into that, we really should go get that second bell," Havel spoke up, grabbing the attention of the two women.

"But Haaavveeelll, she's teaching me more Fwoosh!" she said as her hood slipped down enough to reveal her giving him puppydog eyes and pouting.

_Grck. Valkyrie gains +5 adorable._

"Then perhaps Quelaana could accompany us," he suggested, offering his hand to Quelaana to pull her up.

Quelaana sighed and looked at Valkyrie who was now pouting at her before sighing again, "I suppose I do not have a choice in the matter, do I?"

"Well, technically you do, but then we'd have to deal with Valkyrie's puppydog eyes. I can resist it, but I'm not so sure about you. You always did have a thing for adorable things, if I recall correctly." Havel gestured with the offered hand, Quelaana accepting it this time.

"So, how are we getting across now?" Valkyrie asked.

Havel knelt down. "Same as before. This time, one on each shoulder." Both women looked at him. "What? I wear armor made of rock, for fuck's sake."

* * *

They stood before a large cavern made of webbing. Behind them lay the bodies of infested barbarians crushed or burned. "This looks inviting," Havel said, making his way inside. They passed dozens upon dozens of eggs, as well as what looked to be Undead, but there were eggs attached to their backs. They carefully skirted them, eventually stopping in front of a fog gate. Havel walked through first, Valkyrie and Quelaana soon after him. Quelaana gripped onto Havel's arm, shaking. "Something wrong?"

"You'll see in just a bit," Quelaana answered in a shaky voice.

_Quelaag the Chaos Spider Witch has entered the Fray!_

Valkyrie was the first to stop suddenly, _almost as if she saw something the others didn't_. Before Havel could question her a rumble began echoing from the far side of the cavern, from which Quelaag burst from.

"Quelaag," Quelaana whispered.

"Oh, Quelaa-" Havel stopped when he saw Quelaag. "Oh...um…" His eyes didn't know where to look. He wasn't sure what to feel weird about. The lack of clothing or the giant demon spider attached to her lower body. "Huh...that's...that's new...that is _very_ new."

Quelaag advanced slowly towards the party, a predatory smile on her lips as she swept her sword back and forth, the sword black, teeth running along its edge.

Havel raised his hands a calming manner, "Now, now Quelaag, we don't need to fight..."

The word were unfortunately lost on Quelaag, who was deep in a rage having become sick and tired of Undead after Undead encroaching on her territory. With a wordless scream, she charged the group, only to receive a fireball. In the face.

_Valkyrie used Fireball! It had no effect…_

"Did you just-," Havel started.

"-try to use a fireball on my sister?" Quelaana finished.

"I am attached to a giant burning demon spider and I'm the Daughter of THE Witch of Izalith! I throw up lava for Gwyn's sake!" Quelaag, now snapped from her rage, shouted.

_I mean seriously, why did you think that would work?_

"But...But Fwoosh is supposed to work on everything!" Valkyrie said, now quite depressed.

…

"So, uh...last I saw you, you were just up to my hip, Quelaag. You, uh...you sure grew up…" Havel tried to get a conversation rolling.

Quelaana blinked and started as she realized the last thing Quelaag said, "Wait...you puke lava?"

Quelaag gained a fiery blush, "Well technically my spider half does...it kinda burns to be honest...and it feels really weird."

"So...I'm...I can't do this. Quelaag, do you have _anything you can put on_?!" Havel asked, emphasizing the last half of the question.

"And you are…?" Quelaag asked. Havel simply sighed, pulling off his helmet and pointing once again at the tattoo. "...Havel? Didn't you die?"

"Yes. I'm Havel. No, I didn't die...well, technically, I killed myself, but I myself didn't die...wait…" Havel scratched his head. "How does this work again?" He put his helmet back on. "But seriously. Could you please put something on?...and what's with the spider?"

"A mistake made a thousand years ago," Quelaana whispered, closing her eyes and bowing her head.

Havel stared at Quelaana, before slowly nodding his head. "Then I can wait to hear about that. For now, perhaps we can move from here. We need to ring the second bell."

Quelaag gestured with her sword for the trio to follow her, turning around to lead the way up the stairs she had come down just moments ago. "This way, then," Quelaag said, leading them into a small cave of sorts. To the left was a set of stairs leading upwards. Quelaag moved to the right, though, brushing the tip of her sword against the wall. The wall slowly faded away, an illusory wall to hide a passage leading towards a bonfire.

Havel looked down as he followed Quelaag, bending down upon seeing orange lines on the ground. "Illusory Wall...ahead," he read out. "Wow. Some security you have."

"And _this_ is why I murder people," mumbled Quelaag, resting her sword off to the side.

An Undead with eggs on his back approached Havel, inspecting him. "Oh dear...what have we here? Are you a new servant?"

Before Havel could answer, Quelaag interrupted him. "No, Eingyi. These are friends. Please, do not pester them."

"I wouldn't dream of it, Lady Quelaag," the egg carrie, Eingyi, said, bowing his head towards her in reverence.

It was at this point that Havel and his companions noticed the other occupant in the room. A pale woman, hair glossy white, her lower half a spider's body like Quelaag, though it looked as if it were sick. "Quelaan?" escaped from Quelaana's lips, the pyromancer falling to her knees, tears threatening to fall from her eyes.

Quelaan shifted ever so slightly. {Ah? ...Sister? Is that you?}

{Yes, Quelaan, I am here} Quelaag answered, laying a gentle hand on Quelaan's cheek. {Our dear sister, Quelaana, is here, as well.}

{...Quelaana?} Quelaan whispered.

Quelaana slowly stepped forward. {Hello, sister. It has been some time.} she said, stopping just shy of arm's reach of Quelaan.

"I really hated it when they talked in that language," Havel grumbled.

"Eh? What do you mean? What language?" Valkyrie questioned.

"Don't tell me you understand what they're saying."

She blinked, "Ah…? Yes? Why wouldn't I?"

Havel looked at her, blinking behind his helmet. "Because it's a tongue that only they know. It's native to Izalith."

Quelaana heard enough, she spun around and began to march towards the lass, "First you can see me. Then you nearly figure out how to cast a Chaos spell by just seeing it once! Now you are telling me you can speak the lost language that only THREE people in here should know! WHO ARE YOU, GIRL?!"

"Wah!" Valkyrie stumbled back, surprised by the sudden outburst from Quelaana she held up her hands in an attempt to calm her down, or protect her face from the impending fireball,_ really it could go either way._ She lowered her hand though when there was no follow up from Quelaana, to find said person rooted in place in shock.

"How...How do you have that ring?" Quelaana questioned.

"Ah…?" was the intelligent response from Valkyrie.

"Tell me now, girl! How do you have my Mother's Ring!" She began advancing once more, fire almost quite literally burning in her eyes.

"I-I-It was a g-gift! The old l-lady gave it to me before she dis-disappeared!" she stuttered out.

"Okay, let's just calm down," Havel suggested, stepping in between Quelaana and Valkyrie. "Quelaana, you're obviously a little stressed right now. I don't blame you. But you need to keep a cool head. You remember what your mother said about losing your temper." Quelaana wilted at the tone Havel was using. "To lose your temper is to lose control. And when a pyromancer loses control, disaster strikes."

"Yes, sir," Quelaana mumbled, now fully cowed.

"And as for you, Quelaag," Havel turned to the half spider. He pulled out a small wooden box from his Darksign, moving to the lit bonfire and opening it. He reached his hand in and pulled out two brown shirts, holding them up. "Put one of these on. Help Quelaan with the other." He tossed them to Quelaag, turning to Valkyrie. "Valkyrie, you go ahead and wait just outside, give Quelaana a little time to cool off and cope, okay? I'm going to go take care of the bell. Is everyone good with this?" His tone dared them to disagree. When no one voiced a complaint, he nodded. "Good. We're making progress." Havel walked out, Valkyrie following him, splitting away from him while he headed to the stairs.

As he walked up, he stopped a moment to stare at the scene before him. Lava and demons in the distance, the old entrance to Izalith somewhere among the cliffs. After a few moments of looking out, wondering what fate befell Izalith, he finished climbing the stairs, staring at the bell, then at the lever. He chose to use less strength this time, gingerly pulling on the lever, the bell swaying and beginning to ring. He walked back down once it stopped, coming to a halt when he saw Valkyrie and Quelaana standing in the bonfire room, both of them pushing their finger together nervously. "Do I want to know?" he asked.

* * *

**A few moments earlier**

"Mumble gruble, ragge flaggga, they were all rah rah rah and I was Hrmphm" Valkyrie mumbled as she marched through the cavern back outside. Reaching the lip of the entrance to the cavern she stopped as she was once again assaulted by the rancid smell of a toxic and decaying swamp. Spying more Infested Barbarians she began lobbing fireballs into the air, trying to hit them. So focused on the amusing task, she didn't notice Quelaana walk up next to her. To which she was promptly started and interrupted by a forced cough from Quelaana. The irate lass spared only a quick glance before going back to chucking fireballs at the confused abominations below, "Come to get all angry face at me again?"

"What? I! No. No I didn't, I came to apologize. I was...it has been a long day for me." Quelaana finished lamely.

"Heh," Valkyrie chuckled," you aren't the only one."

"You're doing it wrong." Quelaana interrupted

"Huh?" was the eloquent reply.

Quelana formed a Fire Orb and chucked it up, watching as it landed on one of the abominations, sending it flailing about on fire.

To which Valkyrie narrowed her eyes and focused, create a Grand Fireball, which she then too chucked into the air, splashing another abomination and two blood-suckers. She turned and smirked triumphantly at Quelaana who returned with a challenging glare

At this point the various crazed denizens of the blighted swap had notice the explosions of fire and the two figures and began to rush towards them. The two somewhat off-kilter pyromancers noticed this and smirked at each other, "See if you can keep up, youngin'," taunted Quelaana.

"Don't fall behind me, yah crazy hag!" replied Valkyrie as her eyes gained a dangerous gleam and fire erupted in all four hands.

* * *

**Present Time**

"And that's why the Swamp is now on fire," nodded Valkyrie as she finished her tale. The noticeable blush of Quelaana's face was all the confirmation he needed.

Havel sighed. "I...I have no words. But, I suppose it's harmless enough. Not like anyone's gonna miss that thrice damned bog of toxins. It'll probably be burning for a while. Good a time as any for us to get some rest, I suppose."

"Ah...I think I'm going to pass out now," Valkyrie mumbled as she slumped and fell to the floor.

* * *

**CHAPTER FIN**

**AUTHOR'S NOTES(Sneaky): So yeah, that was a thing. That happened.**

**Now, I know some of ya'll are gonna be all like "Wut flame thrower dun work like that m8, noob gtfo" or "inb4 mary sue and gary stu OC" but look at it this way: Everything has an "upgrade" so to speak, You can "put more power" into a spell to make it a 'greater' variant i.e fireball fire orb grand fireball or combustion great combustion. So I says, why not flamethrower? I'd figure it would balance out being that it now needs two hands and you need to be stationary. So thats fair, right? Anyway, that was a rhetorical question because I don't actually care for your opinion.**

**Oh and Max brings up a good point, Havel is OP in lore. Seriously. So no whining because we didn't make Havel, From Soft did.**

**If you have a legit problem, bring it up n a PM or review and I will look into it. Be sure to not just spout shit out of your ass though as we spend several hour researching each and every thing just to make sure we are marking the difference between lore and gameplay mechanics.**

**Enough about how much of a bitch you are, time for the Omakes! As usual these are not cannon.**

* * *

**Omake - Up skirt**

Valkyrie shuddered at the sight of the Capra Demon, the flames in her hands flaring and turning a sickly red as rage overtook her features. She quickly dashed forward, spear forgotten and scaled Havel's back with a running leap. Havel looked up as he felt something on his shoulders and froze, a blush forming on his cheeks, hidden by his helmet. "Red...with lace," he mumbled.

"B-B-Baka!" Valkyrie blushed as she stomped on Havel's head to no avail.

* * *

**Omake - Scatman**

Quelaana heard enough, she spun around and began to march towards the lass, "First you can see me. Then you nearly figure out how to cast a Chaos spell by just seeing it once! Now you are telling me you can speak the lost language that only THREE people in here should know! WHO ARE YOU GIRL!"

"I'm the scatman,

Ski bi di bi di do bap do

Do bam do

Bada bwi ba ba bada bo

Baba ba da bo

Bwi ba ba ba do

Bada bwi ba ba bada bo

Baba ba da bo

Bwi ba ba ba do"

She finished striking a pose.

Everyone just returned blank stares. Havel voiced the question on everyone's mind, "What?"

* * *

**Omake - I'm your mother**

Quelaana heard enough, she spun around and began to march towards the lass, "First you can see me. Then you nearly figure out how to cast a Chaos spell by just seeing it once! Now you are telling me you can speak the lost language that only THREE people in here should know! WHO ARE YOU GIRL!"

"What do you know of your mother?" Valkyrie questioned back.

"My mother is dead!" Quelaana screamed.

"No! I AM your Mother!" Valkyrie shot back.

"What! That is impossible! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Quelaana collapsed to her knees and cried.

The extremely confused stares from the rest of the room's occupants summed up the general feeling of everyone. Havel however said, "Fuck this shit, I'm going home." and walked out.

* * *

**Omake - Dance Party**

To the left was a room and there were grunts of exertion coming from the room. Investigating, they found that the room was full of barrels. "You know what his room would be great for?" Havel asked, looking around.

"Ah...Dance Party!" Valkyrie shouted with glee.

"Woo! RAVE!" Havel shouted, while music suddenly started playing from nowhere. Multi-colored lights began to flash and light up the room to the beat of the music.

_Oh, hey, One More Time! Good choice!_

-SUP3RPR0-720H34DSH0T has invaded your world-

Suddenly the music came to a screeching halt and the light froze as the Invader walked into the room. Valkyrie was frozen in mid jump as she turned her head to look at him. Havel was too, frozen in mid headbang with accompanied hand-sign of devil horns, as he turned to look at the invader. The Invader sheathed his weapons and the music began to play again, the Invader now joining them with a shuffle dance.

Meanwhile, Laurentius sat in his barrel, depressed, "Guys? What about me…?"

They Raved for several more hours.

* * *

**Omake -Token Tsundere**

Quelaag advanced slowly towards the party, a predatory smile on her lips as she swept her sword back and forth, the sword black, teeth running along its edge.

Havel raised his hands a calming manner, "Now, now Quelaag," Havel began as he navigated to equipment management, removing his helmet, his face now revealed. "We don't need to fight..." Havel gave her a dazzling smile. Quelaag dropped her sword, blushing. "See? Everything's just fine."

"S-shut up!" Quelaag stuttered, turning her head away from Havel, her arms crossed. "I didn't stop attacking because I like you, or anything. B-Baka!" Her blush increasing.

* * *

**Omake - Pokemon Boss Battle**

_A wild Quelaag the Chaos Spider Witch has appeared!_

"Go! Havel! Use Diplomacy!" shouted Quelaana.

_Havel used Diplomacy! _

Havel raised his hands a calming manner, "Now, now Quelaag, we don't need to fight..."

_It wasn't very effective..._

_Quelaag used Rage! _

With a wordless scream, she charged the group.

_Quelaag has entered into a Rage!_

"I Choose You! Valkyrie! Use Fireball!" Quelaana shouted once more, this time with a dramatic flick of her wrist.

_Valkyrie used Fireball!_

The fireball impacted on Quelaag and did nothing but stop her short in surprise.

_It had no effect!...Quelaag is now confused! It may hit itself in its confusion!_

Quelaag stumbled around in confusion.

"Now is your chance! Havel! Use Overhead Smash!" Quelaana yelled as she thrust her hand forth.

_Havel used Overhead Smash!_

Havel grabbed the Dragon Tooth with both hands and brought it over his head before slamming it down onto Quelaag, sending her whole body crashing to the ground.

_Critical Hit! It was Super-Effective!_

Quelaag weakly struggled to get back up.

_Quelaag used Lava Barf!_

Once she had regained her footing she then proceed to try and throw up lava all over Havel, alas she was too weak and Havel was able to evade it.

_Quelaag's Lava Barf Missed!_

"Ha! I have you now! Go! Darksign!" Quelaana exclaimed as she threw an odd ball with a glowing orange ring around it. When the ball hit Quelaag it bounced back and opened up, quickly sucking her in with a burst of red light.

**WILL OUR HERO CATCH HER DEMONIZED SISTER QUELAAG?! FIND OUT ON THE NEXT EPISODE OF POKEMON: DARKISH SOULS!**

* * *

**Omake - Temper Temper**

"Okay, let's just calm down," Havel suggested, stepping in between Quelaana and Valkyrie. "Quelaana, you're obviously a little stressed right now. I don't blame you. But you need to keep a cool head. You remember what your mother said about losing your temper." Quelaana wilted at the tone Havel was using.

"No cookies for dessert?" Quelaag asked.

"No…"

"Hit them as hard as you can?" Eingyi suggested.

"What? No!"

_Narrate their lives into misfortune?_

"No way, G-Man! Clearly it's burn everyone in a 10 mile radius!" exclaimed Valkyrie.

"Buh, what? No! That is even worse!"

{Con people out of their humanity with a defenceless girl act?}

"...I have no idea what you said but I'm just going to assume it was nowhere near the correct answer."

"Hrmmm, well I know mother always shouted 'Yes, oh god yes' when ever she was really mad. but she only ever got mad in her own room" Quelaana pondered.

"I give up!"

* * *

**Sneaky: See you next time guys! I always have fun writing the Omakes and if you have any suggestions I promise I will think about including it next time! Any words for our single viewer Max? Eh? Max? Eh? Common Max!**

**Max: ….**

**Sneaky: You heard him! That's all folks!**


End file.
